Dave Winer - Crazy Uncle

And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And I saw every thing that I had made (or suggested), and, behold, it was very good, so very very good. Some day someone will look back and ask 'what was the first site to fully implement this or that Web 2.0 service', and for the record, that would be this site. A lot of what people call Web 2.0 today is all in this piece written by me at the beginning of the previous bubble. If you are not paying attention, that would be written by me, of course, I mean who else? And most of the new new ideas could be found in the back-issues of DaveNet, starting in late 1994. So yes, I invented that, and that and that and yes even that. And no, I didn't invent this, but I suggested it, when people get the clues I send out, good things happen, err great things. But that other thing I invented, yes I did. But just making you aware that this certain thing that I, in fact, (gasp) did not invent, still depended upon my advice and influence to make it happen. I mean come on, who else?

Next, obvious question — will Adam give back the money he raised for PodShow?

There is something that's missing in Gaggle's repertoire of information searching tools. It's something between Getchanorati, Gaggle News, and Gaggle itself. Think of it as the old-girlfriend query stalker tool. Let's say I used to date a woman named Tammy. From time to time I wonder what's up with her. So I do a search, and find the same old links. I want to find all the NEW stuff, like current address, lists of additional property she owns and where, place of employment, where she hangs out, the address of her current lowlife boyfriend, what conferences she is scheduled to attend, where she shops, what movie theater she goes to, where she gets her hair done, what type of car she drives, her current licence plate number and if she has any concealed weapon permits. You know, stuff like that. Got a little photo surveillance, neighborhood canvassing, side-project going on.

This company is doing things all wrong. The Internet kicks your ass until you get it. It's called linking and it works. Pout pout, temper-tantrum rant, wail, cry, scream. I think I will get the biggest transport plane, and take this Microsoft RSS icon thing to the Arctic or somewhere and drop it where it will never thaw. Pout pout, temper-tantrum rant, wail, cry, scream, hold a blogger party in honor of Robert Scoble, pout pout, temper-tantrum rant, wail, cry, scream. At least I've got it stopped, as long as the Arctic stays cold. btw, congratulations to someone for finally figuring out the main significance of podcasting, someone finally gets it. Got to jet to some conference. These things really need to get publicized better. First I heard about it was yesterday, and I subscribe to the blogs of several of the organizers. Weird. Buncha incompetents. I did a podcast at the pizza place lots of guests coming in and out, telling jokes, stories and clues.

I am become Gigabyte, destroyer of systems!

It's time for people to stop using the fig-leaf-size excuse that they don't like certain people or companies. People shouldn't whine and call people names and try to stop the party. But then this doesn't always apply to [insert random tech company of choice here] as they are totally evil assholes and I am not going to play their stupid 'marketing' games, I am taking my ball and going home, hell I invented it after all. But I never got a response from the assholes at Technorati on why Scripting News isn't in the Top 100. Has Office jumped the shark? Yes, around 1990 or so. No one cares, them damn idiots. And the Marimba Phenomenon is what happens when you spend more on PR and marketing than on development.

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I went to this conference, I listened for five minutes, and all the while it seemed as if I was listening to a podcast. If my only job is to listen, I don't need to actually be there. I mean, come on.

The Zen Master teaches that we are the change we seek. Perhaps we should clean up our own act before we call others hypocrites. It's hard to be sure exactly what that total hypocrite Arrington said, but it sounds more or less like what I said. Like all the cool kids, I'll be at Web 2.2, in San Francisco. Four years ago today: Day 1 of BloggerCon I. Five years ago today: I brushed my teeth with Sparkling Crest Gel. The Zen Master teaches us to believe that if it is it must be good, to not to struggle with existence, so in that spirit PayPerPost is good.

Okay, so the hotel sucked, and there was too much commercialism, and my feet hurt, and I forgot my antiperspirant and hadn't taken a shower, but who could notice all that, when the Plogher enviroment had all this incredible female energy. I was totally horny, and I don't think they'll mind my saying, the whole event was totally sexy. I could hardly walk. If there is a heaven, I hope this is what it's like, non-stop blogs, tits and ass, big tits that is, least 36c, anything less, is well less.

I don't believe in "War on Terror." It's a Republican code-phrase which is used to change the US from a Republic with a strong foundation for freedom, into a Christian Terrorocracy. There is evidence that George W. Bush not only knew of the 911 attack in advance, but had been in on the planning and intended outcome. Take a pair of five dollar bills folded "Right to Left and then Top to Bottom" and a picture of the trade towers through the Washington Arch emerges. See the similarities?

In a few short weeks Guy Kanmoresucki has turned from a blog skeptic to a blog evangelist. Everybody thought he'd gone crazy. The cops, his mom, everybody. But you see, they all missed the point of the story. He wasn't crazy. But when he was holding the keyboard, it all became clear. He realized for the first time, his true calling in life. He's a natural born blogger.

Once upon a time, a woman was picking up firewood. She came upon a poisonous blogger snake frozen in the snow. She took the blogger snake home and nursed it back to health. One day the blogger bit her on the cheek. As she lay dying, she asked the snake, "Why have you done this to me?" And the blogger answered, "Look, bitch, you knew I was a snake."

Lots of links to Monday's rambling rant on Silicon Valley. Lots of links to yesterday's rambling rant on Silicon Valley. Lots of links to today's rambling rants on Silicon Valley. Lots of links to Monday's rambling rants about Microsoft. Lots of links to yesterday's rambling rants about Microsoft. Lots of links to today's rambling rants about Microsoft. Lots of links to yesterday's rambling rants about Google. Lots of links to today's rambling rants about Google. Lots of links to yesterday's rambling rants about RSS. Lots of links to today's rambling rants about Podcasting. Lots of links to today's rambling rants that don't quite fit into any one section.

No matter how good something is, there are always more idiots and morons to take it down. Pout pout, temper-tantrum rant, wail, cry, scream, temper-tantrum rant, wail, cry, scream. Anyway, like any sleight of hand, their trick is to get you to focus on what's least relevant, and ignore what is most relevant. Abusive outburst here, abusive outburst there.

My experience with these Blog/Web Conferences is that if you trust the universe, it will take good care of you, you just have to be in tune with the earth's magical frequency to pick up the clues. We send up a beacons, shining stars, and it's exciting! Now can we survive the downfall? That's a good question, and one I don't know the answer to. No matter, not my problem. Send up more beacons and more shining stars. Leave the mess to others. New conference. I gave a kickass keynote if I do say so myself.

We're having a geek dinner in Berkeley to honor our guest from up north, Robert Scoble. Click here to RSVP.

My experience is that women can be pretty nasty to men on the net. Maybe we should try to counteract some of that too. Lots of links to yesterday's rambling rants about some goofy thing I said that has all these people up in a stir. Grow up people. Oh I did some great work while fasting and making quick runs to the loo. All this programming made me realize that I need a faster machine. And oh, Adam Curry steals all the credit, steals all the money and he never tips. And I have seen him hog all the Oreo cookies for himself, plus he never brushes his teeth. Adam, who used to be a friend of mine (only Robert Scoble is now left), stepped into something much bigger than any of the press noticed.

So how could this or that company be so utterly evil when they employ such tech enthusiastic and utopiaistically idealistic people? I don't know. You see this at lots of Silicon Valley companies. Least they are not in LA. I hate LA. Always have. It's a sucky trashy city, but unlike NY (also sucky and trashy) this place is flat and insincere. Talkin' in L.A., only a nobody talks in L.A.

On the Internet the volume of messages posted by idiots always exceeds the number posted by well-meaning moderately intelligent people, squared. Of course, I am well beyond moderate, right-hand of God seems good a place as any. Pout pout, temper-tantrum rant, wail, cry, scream, hold a blogger party in honor of Robert Scoble, pout pout, temper-tantrum rant, wail, cry, scream, yell, cry bloody murder. The press is a tool. How dare they promote Curry without the disclaimer that he fucked with the record, and got caught. Abusive outburst here, abusive outburst there. Abusive outburst here, abusive outburst there. (repeat endlessly)

I've started to listen to WAMU, the NPR station in DC. I've gotten tired of WBUR, the same old people, same endless pledge drives. I also like WAMU because they have Diane Rehm. She's so good she could be a blogger.

"But in Washington, people think talk radio is Diane Rehm, [she's] as boring as watching paint dry; she'll do 90 minutes on the economic indicators for Micronesia." - Mark Williams, KFBK-Sacramento's Blowtorch.

Oh this lawn mower company now has RSS feeds. Really smart. Lawn-mowing is a conversation, and if you cut lawns, you want to be part of the lawn-mowing conversation.

Damnit. It's so hard to reach anyone at Yahoo. They are not like Microsoft. Whenever I have a problem I can always count on Scoobie-Do to drop whatever shaky-cam thing he's doing and take care of my problem. Well before he went to Podtech that was. He hates Microsoft now too. Also Frank from Wagged is my total bitch, total. But not so at Yahoo. I mean, honestly. Don't they KNOW I am the FUCKING CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE? The Blogosphere keeps sending out clues, but no ones taking action. And what does someone have to do to get a cup of Cocoa around here!?!?!

People come back to places that send them away. Memorize that one.

But I don't do back channel discussions, you're not special. You need to hear that loud and fucking clear. Asshole. You are not special. Do you need me to repeat that? I am sending you away, you asshole. What part of "I don't do" do you not understand? Get lost. You are NOT special. But, of course, I am. You should already know that. Now get lost.

Well, quite frankly, I don't give a flying frak whether you believe me or not, all right? Because I've had it, I am...I'm tired of being pushed and prodded around like I'm some kind of toy. I'm not your plaything! You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big.