Friday, July 21, 2006

The Long-Tail - Ultra Condensed Version

More (not less) niche, niche me good...success in less. Lots of less is a yes. All hail hyper-efficient digital oligopolies, Alvin Toffler new economy diet toffee-bars. No more middle, increasing returns do not exist, just more of less, except when less is actually more more. More of less, more, unless less is less. Bestsellers are no more, well except for this book, always exceptions. Make it a bestseller, pretty pretty please. That way less can be more (for me). But it's more about less, less as more more, of less less, as more.

Keep on blogging me, baby...less is more, more of less, less of less of more, is more. Lots of onesies and twosies make more, just sometimes less of more. No more blockbusters, they don't exist, well except for some kinda, but still, lots of non-hits add up to more, that is 'more of less' hits. More is less - more or less, sorta.

More as less, of more, as less, of less more, more of less, as more, of less less more. But more is less, unless less is more as less less. Then more is more as less of more more.

Bless less, less mess and no stress or excess, I profess, it's progress with success, so very simplesse. Yes. But I must confess my transgress it's mainly just to noblesse impress, more or less.

[Repeat endlessly until it starts to somehow make sense. But with an endless-loop stop gap at the skull-cracking headache induction point.]

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Default Tech Blog Template

"[Insert name of something here] is new, it's the new new thing, the new paradigm shift, the long-tail, the Singularity progressive-enhancement grassroots Cluetrain power-ride [insert the usual statement of how everyone else just doesn't get it]. Why of all my Sillycon Valley friends are doing this (and holding parties), jump aboard the new [Insert paragraphs and paragraphs of Web 2.0 buzzwords] and then [Insert more statements of how everyone else just doesn't get it] followed by [Insert statements from hip marketers and A-List bloggers who DO get it].

When I first started this there were only [insert some random number] and now, yes now, there are [insert some random eyeballs'ish number]. It's a global revolution I tell you. Out with old, in with the new new new. What about [insert examples that are obvious here]? Why this and that [insert technology trend that took off] was once like this new trend, so get in on the ground floor baby, ground floor. [Insert yet more statements of how everyone else just doesn't get it].

I don't care about [insert low marketshare number], I care about the quality of the people listening [insert name-drops serious]. But now that it's getting some backing [insert good marketshare number] this only proves that I was right all along. Nah nah nah. [Insert yet more and more statements of how everyone else just doesn't get it].

[Rinse, lather, repeat]

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Cory Doctorow

Speaking at Borders Bookstore

I'm speaking at the Borders Bookstore in Seattle where I'll be reading from my part-work meme mash-up Yet Another Half Part Work Drops Out Of The Printer, Tuesday 25th. It's available under a Creative Commons Entirely-Derivative License. (CC-EDL)

Link (Thanks, Larry!)

Total French DRM headfuck lockdown

Gimp sez -

"Seems like the French TV network Analplus has sold out to the DRMfuck Copyright Maximalists by mandating a biometric reader in every Teevee console."

Bastards. Slapback! Slap BACK NOW!

Write to your French greengrocer! Write to your Congressman - mention MEEEeee. KopyrightKrusader! Stop the copchip remote. The EFF has more.


[Update: Jean Pierre sez: the reader isn't in the TEEVEE - it's in a separate dongle. Works by wireless. Read my Mouth: Dongles Made NO SENSE in the 1980s and make NO SENSE NOW! Makes me so fucken' ANGREEEE.]

[Update Update?: OK calm down folks. The infra red handheld device isn't a dongle, there's no DRM. Apparently, it lets you change channels from across the room. Hey, Way Way Krad Kewl!, I want one]

Link (Thanks, Danny!)

Speaking at the Horticulture Club

I'm in the UK, dud3z! I gave a talk to the Little Gleaming Horticulture Club in the English state of Surrey, on the coming piglock copchip headfuck DRM Lockdown.
I spread some memes - I worked off some steam.

Instantaneous stream of consciousness blogspeak transcript here. Set them up and slapped them down good. Slap. Backslap. Slapback! Bitchin'!


Wi-Fi Dildo

Kewl! Check this out! Out!! Seems like Disney has made an animatronic Wi-Fi dildo.

Link (Thanks, Belkin!)

[Update: Jeanette sez - "It's not a dildo. Cory I think you were so tense and angry you shoved your USB Bluetooth dongle up your own ass. Relax." Shouts. True, I did - and I didn't even notice.]

Quit Kvetching

Administrators note: Thanx - but no thanx! - to the stoopid kvetchers in the Angree-Angree Forum we're taking it down and moving it someplace sup3r-s3kre3t so you can't complain about KopyrightKrusaderrr. NO ONE DISSES KOPYRIGHT-KRUSADERRRR CORY. Gotta complaint? Heh - Talk to my FIST! (When it's not busy).

Deal outlaws DRM??? ALERRRT! Listen up: this seems suspicious: The copyright maximialists the RIAA - the guys who want to put a chip implant in my brain - and the Library of Congress sez they've done a deal where you can swap as many MP3s as you want. K3WL! Yes? No?! BASTARDS! Or... maybeee!?!

I dunno. Bad meme? Good meme? TENSE TIMES! Don't know what to think until I've got my Mash-Up MemeScript talking points from Larry Lessig. Saved me from my past life - 90s a BLUR - and bastard copchip Doctoroff family in Toronto! Always messing with me - Always laughing at me - Always messing with putz Cory. Now putz Cory is immaculate konception CELEBRITY KOPYRIGHT FIGHTERR! Now putz Cory is STrrrRRONG?! Buy my book. BUT SEND TALKING POINTS NOW NOW LARRY HURRY LARRY!

Official! DRM outlawed

Brad sez,

"It's official. DRM is to be outlawed. Great news!

No bitch bad. No DRM piglock copchip headfuck buttfuck - no KRUSADER KORY! Call the EFF! Write to your Congressman! WE need piglock copchip buttchip headfuck MAXIMALIST EMINENT DOOMESDAY so I look k3wl, stay angry, maintain blood pressure. Bastards! Beefmouth headbeat buttchip beatmeat beatmeat beatmeat beatmeat $Ap dfi]m.,k;lj[dfg...

Ben and Mena - 6 Broken Parts

The phrase "civility in blogging" kept on popping into my head. When I say "civility in blogging," I'm basically referring to the demeanor or the desired demeanor that we conduct ourselves when we're blogging.

Wait hold that thought...

What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fucking fucked up fucking fuck? You need to be more civil, you fucking backchannel asshole. Yes, you, you fucked up fucker you. Fucking fuck the fucking fuck off.

Now as I was saying...

Civility is defined as a courteous act or courteous acts that contribute to smoothness and ease in dealings and social relationships.

I want to talk about the future of blogging and what it all means and about civility in blogging, oh on second thought, fuck it, I just wanta talk about Vox.

Moveable Type? What's that? You mean you haven't checked out Vox? You living under a rock? Support? What you kidding, right? Oh problems, problems, we can't scale, spam comments, server problems, oh oh, help us Anil, conjur up some of that spooky social media marketing magic and make all the complainers go away. Anil do something! Smooth talk us out of this jam.

Anil: "As far as our commitment to Movable Type itself goes, there's no question that we've had a lot on our plates over the past few years, and MT hasn't gotten the love and attention the community deserves. But instead of looking at the past, you might want to look at today, never mind the past four years of wholesale shoddy performance, it's all about the here and now. Get with the program you morons!"

Are we still A-List? People don't seem to like us as much anymore. No clue as to why. We've seen failures in our storage servers. We've seen failures in our software. We've seen failures in our hardware. We've seen failures in our networking equipment. We've seen failures in our databases. We've seen failures with our ability to deal with spam. We can't scale. And there are a number of big issues that have always bothered us about all of our products. But we are still cute. We are cute. We need more money. Some people have the innate ability to consistently write wonderfully, but for the rest of you, we have a whole menu section of blogs. How did I get to be 30 years-old and be so utterly clueless about make-up and beauty? I dunno.

We are currently in the process of recovering data that was unavailable after the service outage. This includes posts, comments, newly created blogs, etc. Say a prayer for us. We are planning a 48 to 64 hour outage next weekend. This is to complete the network maintenance we've been performing over the last several weeks.

We are a Consumer Tool, noooo, it's not working really well, so let's just call it a Developer Tool, Developers are used to dealing with alotta crap, they will understand. Oh, Ben and I went to the Golden Gate Kennel Club Dog Show on Sunday.

We've become aware that it's pretty difficult for our customers to find service-related news throughout our various weblogs and new sources. So here's an easy linkable guide:

Recap of Monday's TypePad Outages
Recap of Tuesday's TypePad Outages
Recap of Wednesday's TypePad Outages
Recap of Thursday's TypePad Outages
Recap of Friday's TypePad Outages
Recap of Saturday's TypePad Outages
Recap of Sunday's TypePad Outages
Recap of the Server and Data Losses
Second-by-Second Real-Time Tracking of TypePad Outages
Future Week Forecasts of TypePad Outages
Future Monthly Forecasts of TypePad Outages
Yearly Charts of TypePad Outages
TypePad Update: Data Down at 4/11, 11:01 PM
TypePad Update: Back Up at 12/16, 03:38 AM
Service Tickets: Which will be ignored.

Walking down the street today, Ben and I saw some gross looking mass splattered on the sidewalk. But ohhhh, Justin Timberlake has a good work ethic. Swwoooon. You can just tell by the way he performs. Maybe it's because he grew up in the South and has been performing since he was a child and all those years on the Mickey Mouse Club taught him a little something about putting on a good show. But I have to say that I so miss Orville Redenbacher's Sour Cream & Onion Microwave Popcorn. And I would have to say that Double Dare, by far, was the show that I was most addicted to as a child. I may not have nicknames, but I certainly have made up a lot of nicknames for others. This is partially why "Mean" is such an appropriate nickname, I guess. 'Cause all I need is a moment alone to give you my fucking fucked up fucking tone. You don't dare wanta cross me. Fucker!

Does it make me want to buy Sour Patch kids? Um, do I need a reason to buy Sour Patch kids? My sweetheart, Maddy, greets me when I'm working on my computer. Unfortunately, whenever she sees her picture on the screen she growls. In fact, I had to discontinue using my photos screensaver because she'd start barking as soon as her picture showed up on it. Frightening to know that Jerri Blank could exist in any form, but even more frightening would be being in this woman's skin. Every taupe leathery inch of it. Well, I love blogging for the sake of blogging. And I'm just amazed by how much easier moblogging has become.

We are cute. We are cute. It's quite unbelievable that we've been doing this for all these years. This has been a bad year for TypePad's performance and general availability, and we'd like to talk about a number of the issues we've faced, how frustrated they make us. But never mind that, check out Project Doomed Comet. Oh this running a company is hard. I like Westies. Building Spieill Checick and WYSIWYG is a lot harder than it seems. We can't scale. But we are still cute. I mean just look at us. Cute as a bug. We are cute. We are cute. As many of you have noticed, during the last couple of months, well ok...years, TypePad performance has not been what we aspire to and you pay for. But as with most web companies, I can do nothing more than apologize, a weak sentiment without action to back it up.
Blog the world
Blog the world
Let them know it's Christmastime
But hey, we are still cute. Cute. You can't hate us. We are cute. I won't claim that I'm brilliant, but I've got my good share of social dysfunction. We are cute. Well I am cuter than Ben. But Ben is an artsy-fartsy fuck who needs to listen to obscure stuff or pure pop to feel better than me. I don't think he reads. Not sure, never seen him with a book. We are cute.

We have had eternally persistent problems with keeping the service running reliably. Oh TypePad wiped out Dilbert. So sorry. And so sorry about wiping out all those thousands (or millions) of comments. You want a 30 day free use voucher? Will that make up for losing all your data? And to our complaining and never-ending bitching customers, I have only one thing to say: "What the fuck? All day yesterday you've been total assholes."
"We experienced a database problem and needed to take the system offline to repair it"
"We experienced a server problem and needed to take the system offline to repair it"
"We experienced a backup problem and needed to take the system offline to repair it"
"We experienced an equipment failure and needed to take the system offline to repair it"
"We experienced a software problem and needed to take the system offline to repair it"
"We experienced a human-error problem and needed to take the system offline to repair it"
"We experienced a problem of which we are not yet quite sure and needed to take the system offline to repair it"
"We suffered from lack of sleep and decided to take the system offline to get some much-needed shut-eye"
I offer some brief impressions of the Web 2.0 conference, a very worthwhile conference with a buzz we have never quite experienced before, as I missed the first bubble. We are cute. We are cute. During the course of talking about weblogging and how communication has evolved, I made a comment that, as usual, didn't come out as I planned. The way we blog and communicate is changing and our own online practices. I am not sure what that all means or even how it is changing or if I just haven't had enough sleep, but this is something worth talking about. Give the Gift of a Blog. For the first four years of TypePad, Ben would just point and grunt as his preferred method of communication. We are cute. We are cute. We need more money. Neoteny will help. More money! We are cute. We are cute. Oh this running a company is hard. Help, help, help. We are cute. We are cute. We've seen failures in our storage servers, failures that we had never seen before. We are cute. We are cute.

Equally exciting were the non-celebrities who came up to me after my talk and told me that they never considered starting a blog before hearing my talk. I give back to the little people. Comet entered Alpha testing last month and we've been doing quick iterations based on our testers' experiences. Hey, you intern dork, run to the store and get me a months supply of Tylenol and 2 dozen donuts. Like now!

I had the pleasure to participate and speak at CRUD which was really quite the best conference I have attended. Partly because I was able to speak about something I'm so passionate about: the personal side of blogging and why it will change the way we record our lives. But hey, fuck you, you backchannel naysayers. Fuuuuuuuuccccccccck you. What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fucking fucked up fucking fuck? You need to be more civil, you fucking backchannel asshole.

Can't sleep. Socks will eat me.

I'm very happy to break my weblogging silence by posting the quintessential top of blogdex pet movie. Oh heck, we've just seen a failure in a piece of networking equipment that had never failed before, and so on, ranging from hardware failures to software failures. We are cute. We are cute. We need more money. We apologize for the poor service you've experienced over the past four years, and also for the lack of official communication from our blogs. We need someone who knows how to run an actual company. We can't scale. We can't scale. LiveJournal, 8 million users and counting! Maybe 400 still active, with maybe a few dozen actually worth reading. But 8 million served, 400 digested.
Ooh blogs, do you know what that's worth?
They say in heaven blogs come first
We'll make heaven a place on earth
Ooh blogs, a heaven on earth...
We've seen failures in our storage servers. We've seen failures in our software. We've seen failures in our hardware. We've seen failures in our networking equipment. We can't scale. Oh this running a company is hard. We've seen more failures in our storage servers. TypeKey had some long-awaited improvements. We can't scale. But hey, we are still cute. LiveJournal merchandise is on the way, cool schwag. Well that's one thing we can sorta handle. But then we've seen failures in our database. Could you send us your information again? What is the deal with angry puppets? I mean really! Have you ever noticed how many angry puppets appear on television?

Cool Schwag, wow, Cool Schwag, man even more Cool Schwag. Cool Schwag! I am so excited. It is a rare occasion that I attend a lunch or dinner with people from work and some portion of the meal isn't spent playing with camera phones, PDAs, cameras or computers. We are cute. We are cute. Earn money, keep us alive, add text ads to your site. Oh this running a company is hard. We apologize for the poor service you've experienced. We can't scale.
We can blog if we want to, we can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends don't blog and if they don't blog
Well they're no friends of mine
Sorry that I haven't written on dollarshort or voxtrott for the past 8 months. This running a company is hard. But I just had to write about the passing of my first pet, Lolly. We've just seen another failure in a piece of networking equipment, but we are still cute. Another failure, oh another one, oh one more, oh, oh, helppppp, hellppppp, help. What are we going to do -- trust falls? But we are still cute. I mean just look at us. Both still cute as a bug (but not the software kind of bug, no no). We've seen failures in our storage servers. We've seen failures in our software. We've seen failures in our hardware. We've seen failures in our networking equipment. We've seen failure. It's seen us. But at the end of the day, we are still cute. We are cute. But I think "hating" smooth Muppets is the definition of using a word lightly and I should probably just get over it.

But all you backchannel naysayers, fucking fuck the fucking fucked-up fuck off and be civil. You motherfuckingoddamnworthlessexcuses forhumanbeingspurepiecesofshits. But my signature dish, or rather, the dish that I'll make whenever I have to bring something, is actually a cake, the vermouth and nutmeg are quite the combination.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

David Weinburger

Meme in a glass bowl. Like a fish. Beautiful. Connected.


We all want to connect. I want to connect. Connect with clever people. Connect with little people. I am little and clever - in that order.

Meme world connect in a world better than the world is. Mouseyhousewife says: "Dave, your piece about Japanese water gardens made me cry".

Small pieces - online. Loosely tangled. My piece Small. Wish it would tangle.

But here's a meme: ALWAYS BETTER online. ONLINE: less small, more clever. I read St Augustine and Heidigger. Prefer Stephen King. And not all Heidigger: just the one about technology. A small part of it. Fast meme-skim. Ur-being-becoming? No-thing! Then McLuhan. All McLuhan. Lost in a global village of No-thing. But the no-thing is us! Awk-ward questions: DIS-PEL. Stu-DENTS: Go A-WAY.

Online, We CONNECT. Less kvetch. Choose who you use in our CONNECTED sphere of HARMONY.

I am cleverer than David. I am not as clever as Stephen. David stooops to bow - calls me the Doctor. I too bow to stoop to Stephen.

Now I'm on a trip to Venice walking in the footsteps Dirk Bogarde in Death In Venice. Did HE connect? With a Big PIECE? Wasn't online. Never discovered the mag-ic.

Dear Dear Dave. Our Father. Calls me a putz. Calls me out. I love Dave. I love Dave's big PIECE but I'm never joined. Make peace.

Blogging live from a Howard Dean rally tonight - and I wave my little piece in the air. Loosely coupled. Joe Trippi sees it! "Who are you?" But sometimes, loose pieces join. He SEES IT! He GETS IT!! Night of a Thousand Internet Advisors! I'm one too! Now I'm on TV! The ME-dium is the Mess-AGE. But I hate TV! Viewers Go-A-WAY. Cynics and KVETCHES Go-AWAY!!

So I wet my pants and quit.

Let me explain. It wasn't me. It was TV. TV wasn't CONNECTED. It was wrong. Made me some other loosely connected putz. BETTER ONLINE. Less KVETCH. EX-clude who you can't use.

I am not gay. I am not gay. I am not gay. I am not gay. I am Not-Gay.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Tim O'Reilly

It's too darn bad that we can't have a real debate about my New-Agey Web 2.0 Other-Worldy Spacey-Mind-Trip ideas, rather than just all that cynical rhetoric that creates heat without shedding much light.

I've tried to be patient and reasonable. I am Mr. Reasonable. But anyone who disagress with me, is a cynical flesh-biting flea, who just doesn't get it.

I have been working on the content and gestalt of Emerging Telephony and Emerging Tech. And Emerging Banker's Check, Emerging Cashier's Check, Emerging Payroll Check, Emerging Polytech, Emerging Receptech, Emerging Triple Sec. Just come to my conferences, spend lots. We will talk and network. Did I mention spend lots? You have to be here to get anywhere you know. I write the rules. Emerging Speck, Emerging Fleck, Emerging Wreck.

Ancient New Age Secret. New Agey Spacey idea here, New Agey Mind-Expansion idea there, New Agey Drug-Trippy Meme Map here, New Agey Mondo-2000ish flowchart there.

Mix and match key phrases and buzzwords, update the Esalen 1970s themes, recast the Human Potential Movement into modern tech forms, throw in a Hero and a Devil, worship the transcendence of the Machine, toss random collective and participational half-cooked Memes like so many bacon bits, stir, Open-Source microwave and Enlightened-Mind reheat, bake in some generic Evolutionary Psychology, add a dash of Artificial Intelligence, play up a higher Religious Collective Consciousness, sprinkle in the usual Moore's Law lofty predictions and then magically conjure into something faintly passing for a sentence, work all into a paragraph and bingo — instant Tim.
Web 2.0 junction, what's your function?
Hooking up words and phrases and making 'em function.
Web 2.0 junction, how's that function?
I like tying up words and phrases and clauses.
Web 2.0 junction, watch that function.
Everything I do, I do for you.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Dave Winer - Crazy Uncle

And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And I saw every thing that I had made (or suggested), and, behold, it was very good, so very very good. Some day someone will look back and ask 'what was the first site to fully implement this or that Web 2.0 service', and for the record, that would be this site. A lot of what people call Web 2.0 today is all in this piece written by me at the beginning of the previous bubble. If you are not paying attention, that would be written by me, of course, I mean who else? And most of the new new ideas could be found in the back-issues of DaveNet, starting in late 1994. So yes, I invented that, and that and that and yes even that. And no, I didn't invent this, but I suggested it, when people get the clues I send out, good things happen, err great things. But that other thing I invented, yes I did. But just making you aware that this certain thing that I, in fact, (gasp) did not invent, still depended upon my advice and influence to make it happen. I mean come on, who else?

Next, obvious question — will Adam give back the money he raised for PodShow?

There is something that's missing in Gaggle's repertoire of information searching tools. It's something between Getchanorati, Gaggle News, and Gaggle itself. Think of it as the old-girlfriend query stalker tool. Let's say I used to date a woman named Tammy. From time to time I wonder what's up with her. So I do a search, and find the same old links. I want to find all the NEW stuff, like current address, lists of additional property she owns and where, place of employment, where she hangs out, the address of her current lowlife boyfriend, what conferences she is scheduled to attend, where she shops, what movie theater she goes to, where she gets her hair done, what type of car she drives, her current licence plate number and if she has any concealed weapon permits. You know, stuff like that. Got a little photo surveillance, neighborhood canvassing, side-project going on.

This company is doing things all wrong. The Internet kicks your ass until you get it. It's called linking and it works. Pout pout, temper-tantrum rant, wail, cry, scream. I think I will get the biggest transport plane, and take this Microsoft RSS icon thing to the Arctic or somewhere and drop it where it will never thaw. Pout pout, temper-tantrum rant, wail, cry, scream, hold a blogger party in honor of Robert Scoble, pout pout, temper-tantrum rant, wail, cry, scream. At least I've got it stopped, as long as the Arctic stays cold. btw, congratulations to someone for finally figuring out the main significance of podcasting, someone finally gets it. Got to jet to some conference. These things really need to get publicized better. First I heard about it was yesterday, and I subscribe to the blogs of several of the organizers. Weird. Buncha incompetents. I did a podcast at the pizza place lots of guests coming in and out, telling jokes, stories and clues.
I am become Gigabyte, destroyer of systems!
It's time for people to stop using the fig-leaf-size excuse that they don't like certain people or companies. People shouldn't whine and call people names and try to stop the party. But then this doesn't always apply to [insert random tech company of choice here] as they are totally evil assholes and I am not going to play their stupid 'marketing' games, I am taking my ball and going home, hell I invented it after all. But I never got a response from the assholes at Technorati on why Scripting News isn't in the Top 100. Has Office jumped the shark? Yes, around 1990 or so. No one cares, them damn idiots. And the Marimba Phenomenon is what happens when you spend more on PR and marketing than on development.
Sorry! There was an error: Poorly formed XML text, string constant is improperly formatted. The error was detected by Frontier 9.0.1 in mainResponder.respond.
I went to this conference, I listened for five minutes, and all the while it seemed as if I was listening to a podcast. If my only job is to listen, I don't need to actually be there. I mean, come on.

The Zen Master teaches that we are the change we seek. Perhaps we should clean up our own act before we call others hypocrites. It's hard to be sure exactly what that total hypocrite Arrington said, but it sounds more or less like what I said. Like all the cool kids, I'll be at Web 2.2, in San Francisco. Four years ago today: Day 1 of BloggerCon I. Five years ago today: I brushed my teeth with Sparkling Crest Gel. The Zen Master teaches us to believe that if it is it must be good, to not to struggle with existence, so in that spirit PayPerPost is good.

Okay, so the hotel sucked, and there was too much commercialism, and my feet hurt, and I forgot my antiperspirant and hadn't taken a shower, but who could notice all that, when the Plogher enviroment had all this incredible female energy. I was totally horny, and I don't think they'll mind my saying, the whole event was totally sexy. I could hardly walk. If there is a heaven, I hope this is what it's like, non-stop blogs, tits and ass, big tits that is, least 36c, anything less, is well less.

I don't believe in "War on Terror." It's a Republican code-phrase which is used to change the US from a Republic with a strong foundation for freedom, into a Christian Terrorocracy. There is evidence that George W. Bush not only knew of the 911 attack in advance, but had been in on the planning and intended outcome. Take a pair of five dollar bills folded "Right to Left and then Top to Bottom" and a picture of the trade towers through the Washington Arch emerges. See the similarities?

In a few short weeks Guy Kanmoresucki has turned from a blog skeptic to a blog evangelist. Everybody thought he'd gone crazy. The cops, his mom, everybody. But you see, they all missed the point of the story. He wasn't crazy. But when he was holding the keyboard, it all became clear. He realized for the first time, his true calling in life. He's a natural born blogger.
Once upon a time, a woman was picking up firewood. She came upon a poisonous blogger snake frozen in the snow. She took the blogger snake home and nursed it back to health. One day the blogger bit her on the cheek. As she lay dying, she asked the snake, "Why have you done this to me?" And the blogger answered, "Look, bitch, you knew I was a snake."
Lots of links to Monday's rambling rant on Silicon Valley. Lots of links to yesterday's rambling rant on Silicon Valley. Lots of links to today's rambling rants on Silicon Valley. Lots of links to Monday's rambling rants about Microsoft. Lots of links to yesterday's rambling rants about Microsoft. Lots of links to today's rambling rants about Microsoft. Lots of links to yesterday's rambling rants about Google. Lots of links to today's rambling rants about Google. Lots of links to yesterday's rambling rants about RSS. Lots of links to today's rambling rants about Podcasting. Lots of links to today's rambling rants that don't quite fit into any one section.

No matter how good something is, there are always more idiots and morons to take it down. Pout pout, temper-tantrum rant, wail, cry, scream, temper-tantrum rant, wail, cry, scream. Anyway, like any sleight of hand, their trick is to get you to focus on what's least relevant, and ignore what is most relevant. Abusive outburst here, abusive outburst there.

My experience with these Blog/Web Conferences is that if you trust the universe, it will take good care of you, you just have to be in tune with the earth's magical frequency to pick up the clues. We send up a beacons, shining stars, and it's exciting! Now can we survive the downfall? That's a good question, and one I don't know the answer to. No matter, not my problem. Send up more beacons and more shining stars. Leave the mess to others. New conference. I gave a kickass keynote if I do say so myself.

We're having a geek dinner in Berkeley to honor our guest from up north, Robert Scoble. Click here to RSVP.

My experience is that women can be pretty nasty to men on the net. Maybe we should try to counteract some of that too. Lots of links to yesterday's rambling rants about some goofy thing I said that has all these people up in a stir. Grow up people. Oh I did some great work while fasting and making quick runs to the loo. All this programming made me realize that I need a faster machine. And oh, Adam Curry steals all the credit, steals all the money and he never tips. And I have seen him hog all the Oreo cookies for himself, plus he never brushes his teeth. Adam, who used to be a friend of mine (only Robert Scoble is now left), stepped into something much bigger than any of the press noticed.

So how could this or that company be so utterly evil when they employ such tech enthusiastic and utopiaistically idealistic people? I don't know. You see this at lots of Silicon Valley companies. Least they are not in LA. I hate LA. Always have. It's a sucky trashy city, but unlike NY (also sucky and trashy) this place is flat and insincere. Talkin' in L.A., only a nobody talks in L.A.

On the Internet the volume of messages posted by idiots always exceeds the number posted by well-meaning moderately intelligent people, squared. Of course, I am well beyond moderate, right-hand of God seems good a place as any. Pout pout, temper-tantrum rant, wail, cry, scream, hold a blogger party in honor of Robert Scoble, pout pout, temper-tantrum rant, wail, cry, scream, yell, cry bloody murder. The press is a tool. How dare they promote Curry without the disclaimer that he fucked with the record, and got caught. Abusive outburst here, abusive outburst there. Abusive outburst here, abusive outburst there. (repeat endlessly)

I've started to listen to WAMU, the NPR station in DC. I've gotten tired of WBUR, the same old people, same endless pledge drives. I also like WAMU because they have Diane Rehm. She's so good she could be a blogger.
"But in Washington, people think talk radio is Diane Rehm, [she's] as boring as watching paint dry; she'll do 90 minutes on the economic indicators for Micronesia." - Mark Williams, KFBK-Sacramento's Blowtorch.
Oh this lawn mower company now has RSS feeds. Really smart. Lawn-mowing is a conversation, and if you cut lawns, you want to be part of the lawn-mowing conversation.

Damnit. It's so hard to reach anyone at Yahoo. They are not like Microsoft. Whenever I have a problem I can always count on Scoobie-Do to drop whatever shaky-cam thing he's doing and take care of my problem. Well before he went to Podtech that was. He hates Microsoft now too. Also Frank from Wagged is my total bitch, total. But not so at Yahoo. I mean, honestly. Don't they KNOW I am the FUCKING CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE? The Blogosphere keeps sending out clues, but no ones taking action. And what does someone have to do to get a cup of Cocoa around here!?!?!

People come back to places that send them away. Memorize that one.

But I don't do back channel discussions, you're not special. You need to hear that loud and fucking clear. Asshole. You are not special. Do you need me to repeat that? I am sending you away, you asshole. What part of "I don't do" do you not understand? Get lost. You are NOT special. But, of course, I am. You should already know that. Now get lost.

Well, quite frankly, I don't give a flying frak whether you believe me or not, all right? Because I've had it, I am...I'm tired of being pushed and prodded around like I'm some kind of toy. I'm not your plaything! You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Esther Dyson

What who me, what, huh? Wotchatalkingaboutwillis?

[ a seemingly forever-long moment of silence, as the brainwaves descend from beyond the reaches of Pluto ].

What? What are you talking about? Who are you? What? What are you asking? What? Huh? Oh Blogs. Oh yeah that.

Well, I am onto other newer, better and bigger, and more importantly, more richly lucrative meme's. I can't much be bothered. Plus I can't really communicate via the written word, take a look at my 223 Flickr pages, follow my travels and name drops. I am not an entity, I am a time. My time is now.

Doncha wish you were me? I am forever blowing bubbles, pretty bubbles in the air, they fly so high, nearly reach the sky, then like my dreams they fade and die. I'm dreaming dreams, I'm scheming schemes, I'm building castles high, they're born anew, their days are few.

And I am still busy discovering the obvious and promoting the impossible. Oh lookie! A new start-up company sticker for my laptop, wheee. But blogs? How so heady and troublesome, I am far too jet-set for that.

Life is a test, and I confess, I like this mess I've made so far. Grade on a curve and you'll observe. I'm right below the horizon.

What who me, what, you have another question? Huh? Didn't I answer the blog thing? Huh? Yes, no, maybe, I don't know. Can you repeat the question...
New York, London, Paris, Munich
Everybody talk about meme musik
Talk about, meme musik
Talk about, meme musik
Meme meme meme meme musik

Friday, November 11, 2005

Doc Searls

People of Earth…we are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend; future events such as these will affect you in the future. Me and 4,399 of my closest blogger friends popped out of a ball of light right about here.

As for me, well, I have been keeping the faith, and yes it seems like I've been lost, still I would not be here now, if I never had the hunger, 'cause I never felt the desire, till the Cluetrain set me on fire. And then I was saved, yeah. That's why I'm keeping the faith, yeah, keeping the faith. Does this aspect ratio make me look fat?

Consulting, fame and glamour, six-figure speaking gigs, briefings, betas, books, groupies, parties, conversations with Earth People. The blogosphere is a huge tipping-point machine. More tips here please. If you are happy and you know it, clap your hands, your blog will surely show it, clap your hands.
In the Shadows of a Golden Age
A Generation waits for Dawn
Crumpled Bits of Postings
Filled with Imperfect Thought
Stilted Conversations
I'm Afraid that's All We've Got
Anyways, my latest photoset on Flickr was shot from a windowseat near the back of a United 757 en route from New York to San Francisco last week.

People are listening. And Markets really are conversations. Political Speeches are conversations, well minus President Bush, what that is no one knows. McDonalds drive-thru orders are conversations, even if they gave me the wrong type of sauce for my Chicken McNuggets. Whoever decided that I somehow now like Hot Mustard? Lots of conversations, sometimes people just need to take a ride on the Cluetrain. Whole lots of clues, no sense that everyone is taking delivery. And yes, yelling at the incompetent airline customer service person who screwed up my flight is a conversation. People have conversations. Earth People converse. Markets are Earth People conversing in Human Voices to other People of this Earth about matters important to real Humans who live on Planet Earth.

And then an amazing sunset this evening, after three days of rain. Couldn't decide which of these photos (taken over the pool in our front yard) was the best shot, so I put all four up.
Feel the power, you see the energy, coming on strong
The future only belongs to the future itself, in the hands of itself
It's true you can't fight it
Live by it. The next generation...
It's electric
I am immune to your consultations. So the days float through my eyes, still the posts seem the same. But that's why I'm keeping the faith, yeah, keeping the faith. Oh, the blog never ends, it just goes on and on and on and on. Don't stop believin', hold on to that feelin'. Keep the faith.

I also want to point out that it's possible for companies to "get" what's going on in a market and still not have the ability, or the nature, or the inclination, or whatever else it takes, to act on it. The solution? Long distance electrodes shot into the pineal and pituitary glands and then independently targeting particle beam phalanx.

[Keep the Faith. And let me help you with your positioning. I am available for consultancy here]
DocSpeak Demystified

Doc: The sky is purpleish brown green with red dots and grayish-yellow stripes.

No the sky is blue.

Doc: Well, the real issue is, what do we really mean by sky and how do we externally perceive it? And where does (what we mean by) sky exist? All skies are not “blue”, as on some planets somewhere, I think maybe, the sky could be purpleish brown green with red dots and grayish-yellow stripes. The sky is, in fact, multi-colored, it is just our false perception of what the internal makeup of this thing we call “blue” is to our imperfect human eyes. This false reality that forms our observation of what is, is in fact, not reality at all. Far out. Stop being so close minded and dogmatic. Link. Link. Link. Chill out. Link. Link. Link. Link. Peace. Link. Link. Link. Link. Link. Discuss.

Howard Rheingold

My prescient forecasted dreams of the 'always-on' eras. I saw about 100 People in the street huzzaing, crying revolution. But it came to nought. I guess all those Smart Mobs, weren't exactly that smart after all. And why we should scruple to call such a set of people a Mob, I can't conceive, unless the name is too respectable for them.
Magic and technology. Voodoo dolls and chants. Electricity.
We're makin' fantasy and microchips.
Shooting from the hip, something different...
Diagrams and charts, something like a recipe
A Lighthearted Blog of Untranslatable Words and Phrases. Now that I can digitize my thoughts and twiddle their pixels on a screen, the spacey new-agey mind-images I have known for decades take on new meanings and new dimensions. Here, hold my trippy Orange Crushed Internet Meme, but donnnn't drink it! Also check out my painted shoes...

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Robert Scoble - Stupidity is never an Obstacle

It's be-bop blog on a hard day's night. Name drop here, name drop there. I am the face of Microsoft. Oh on second thought, screw that damned cheapstakeish Microsoft, boring Podvideocasts are the way. Hey, Microsoft...let's set so double the killer delete select all. iPhone, iPhone, iPhone. Fishboooooooook. Fishbook. I have the MOST Fishbook friends like ever, like eat that. I rule da world, suckers.

An inside look. Meet the team. 2 hours and 37 minutes of Twatter brilliance. Watch it. I’m getting so many things pulling me in so many directions that it’s hard to spend 60 seconds just thinking about one thing and getting deep, as I’m always covering the latest shiny social object. You know, first it was Twatter. Then Jerkikuituuuu. Then Fishbook. Poownce. On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. The problem, though, is that even if I get really excited about it my email is demonstrating that most of the world won’t be listening and won’t care. Damn the world!

I am so super busy, day of [meetings], [dinners], [travels], [conferences] and [too much email]. I did this [geeky thing], I attended this [geeky conference] where I got a chance to [talk with] or [have dinner with] this [geeky company CEO], this is what [geeky thing] they are doing. It’s a new trend. I also talked with this other [geeky insider guy] who said this and that about this [person] and/or [geeky trend]. I should have the video up soon, more ScobleShow segments ahoy. Sorry about missing that [other geeky event]. My life is just impossible you know.

This [software], [hardware], [geeky company], [geeky trend] is [right], [wrong], [right but not blogging, which makes it wrong], or [wrong yet blogging but not blogging the right conversational way], [not really sure as I don’t have all facts, but I won’t let that stop me from commenting].

This [Advertising Agency], [Marketing Firm], [Sponsoring Company] doesn’t have a clue what [Hugh MacLeod], [Jason Calacanis], [Steve Gillmor], [Buzz] or [random geek celebrity of the moment] is doing, they will pay the price.

I told a Microsoft guy to buy Flippr!, but what did I get for my effort, an email with the words 'business value' written like 28 times...I guess he would have missed the internet, the personal computer and RSS feeds too. He just doesn't get it. And also if that's the kind of marketing we should expect for ZunedOut then WormyApple has nothing to worry about. Then I was off to dinner where I met the technical staff from Quixtar. Wonderful wonderful people, smart, interesting, full of ideas.

All your RSS base belong to us. Lots of people have been talking to me about Second Life. And how they don't get it. Morons. That's what people said about the personal computer and the internet too, and look where that's at. They just don't get it. Let's set so double delete select all. Well, I don't like SecondLife anymore since Patrick got kicked off and Beth Lalpagozza became a total total bitch.

Name drop here. Name drop there. Cute inside-joke about said name-dropped person. Heh. That was funny. Not sure you got it. But I tend to laugh at my own jokes. But hey I sure told off Ballmer about that gay rights thing, doncha member? Hey, it mattered! Blog power! Then: Microsoft is the greatest. Now: I hate them, hate, but not totally as they helped me lots and I like the people, but hate, they didn't pay me enough and Ballmer doesn't get gressroots and Vic like left and he never helped me much after I was hired. They never understood me, and they didn't pay me enough, I was getting offers for tons more all the time, I hate them, but I will blog how much I love them. Oh HDTV rocks, it will cure cancer, heal the sick, and make American's actually like soccer.

You know, I want smart readers only, please. You're fired. FIRED. GET LOST. Oh gosh, thousands have left. I thought I was dealing with people who have a respect for the truth. Obviously I was wrong. Hey, you, you are fired. You slimebag jerk. And doncha dare link to any non-credible journalists. I quoted the vice president of Waggener Edstrom. That's good enough for now. Your protestations don't mean a thing. You aren't even willing to tell us who you are. So why, again, should I listen to someone who is probably working for a competitor?
Robert Scoble in one paragraph: iPhone, Fishbook, Twat a Twattering, Blog blogs, blogs, crazy random temper tantrums (that 24 hours later render a grand apology), blogs, blogs, blogs, random outbursts, RSS is God, blogs, blogs, boycott journalists, blogs are all, yet another Dave Winer Stockholm Syndrome kick-in mode, gave this speech, attended this cool conference, did this cool geek thing, promoed my book, Ego, Ego, Ego, blogs, and more blogs, bad audio and shaky cam fun, wheee. Oh, and (would you believe?) yet more bloggers, iPhones and Fishbookers.
I decided to see how MSN and Google compared on these results. Blah blah blah. Oh Brandon, Oh Brandon, can you help me get Vista running on my Toshiba M200? I can't figure it out. I hate Microsoft now. And it's just so crashy. Pout. I find that free Wi-Fi in airports is way too rare. Russell praises new Scoblecrashphone 2.0. Normally I can't stand Russell, but he comes around ever so often. Hey, TechMunchaBunchaCrunch parties are becoming world famous, well to people who matter that is. Various companies are now offering me a chance to try out their equipment. More more more, wheee, return of the MVP freebie suck-up life. Hugh Macleod is pimping this now, he's making lots of money, see blogs work, advertising and brading and big agencies are doomed, it's all the blogs, baby. Just ask Hugh, he knows. Oh I just checked my wife's blog, I guess we are out of dishwasher soap. I will put in a Outlook note and sync it to my phone so I won't forget to stop by the store on the way home, plus my phone has GPS tracking, so I can load up this Seattle map app, and plot my course and avoid the heavy traffic and then I can read my RSS feeds if the line is too long. Digital lifestyle ahoy! And oh, Shelley Powers is a meanie.

Michael Irritanton is putting final preparations together for the ninth big massive Tech Peanut Carmel MunchaCrunch and Naked Contortions launch party. All sorts of Web 2.0 companies that won't be around in 3 weeks will be my sponsors. We need to hold more parties before they run out of cash.

What if, what if, we just tell Houston that there is no life on Mars? Then we just take it for ourselves! We, no listen! We can rule! I can be the king, Doc Searls can be the toilet fixer, Seth Godin and Esther Dyson can be the Spiritual Advisors and Dan Gillmor has passed out. And I am the train-simulated Dreamuserland NEC Tablet PC Microsoftish PodRetch Shaky Cam Podcaster, who is Fishbook KING.

Hello from the Wi-Fi hot tub. I'm not an edge case. No no. Oh, UserLand, where did my old blogs go a go? Hey, you, yes you, why don't you use a memetracker? You stupid or something? And oh Guy hasn't even discovered how to have conversations on the Web yet. He also stupid or something? Get with the program, Guy! Super funtime, uploading a buncha worthless crap to my feed. Enthusiast Blind Fanboys are in charge! And Seth Godin flips my funnel. Yay! Oh Google domains going after Outlook? MSN did that months ago, nah nah nah. Slashdot misrepresents facts. This meme heats up. Yo, Steven Sinofsky, check this out, yes you, you moron, get with the program! Congrats to Windows Live Local team, only 5 crashes per Demo. Russell, who doesn't have conversations anymore, likes this new phone (aka Scoblecrashphone 2.0) But I'm off to Europe, taking my podcasts. Plus got a nasty case of blog constipation. I'm taking the week off.

Back. Miss me? I knew you would. And would you believe? Still yet more weird and wacky problems with my blog. I'm getting emails saying "I only get a blank white page when I click on one of your permastinklinks". Yeah, yeah, I know. I am seeing that too. Blogs sure are buggy. And oh, publishers occassionally ask me whether they can send me books so that I can review them. Increasingly I'm turning them down, as I have never been able to get through an entire book ever. So sorry. Oh, I am seeing the MixedUp ads everywhere, well around campus, only $1,000 and $250 a night hotel, to share info with us, for us. Whatada deal, getta meet Bill Gates too. Come on, someone please be interested, help, I am part of the marketing team here, help me out, please, pretty pretty please. Doncha Web 2.0 start-ups have any money to burn? Burn it here. Well, ok, free tickets for Mashup Band Camper's. We have to have SOMEONE attend. Bleech, I hate Microsoft now.

I'm sitting in the Blahlago with a bunch of geeks watching a video feed at CES, doing a minute by minute report, well was, it went down, try again, oh fudge, oh back up, just in time for Gate's to talk about future home holographic desks, wow that's so cool, I want one. Also heck out this new Emergency Code 9 video, sorry about the audio quality and the poor video, these things (always) happen. Hey, I am doing this on the cheap. Microsoft doesn't give me enough money for me to bother doing quality work. Check out my dark blurry pics shot from my new pooooooopppper scoooooooooppper phone. Oh, Pittsburgh is having a steel hangover. I never really get outta the Silicon Valley and Seattle jet-set corridor, but gosh, this rest of America is halfway interesting, who would thought, but like hardly any cool geek stuff, but they have this great coffee place, no free Wi-Fi however. Pout. When is the rest of America gonna get it? I keep sending out clues. Stupid hicks.

No full-text feeds? That's downright EVIL INCARNATE. Partial feeds suck losers dry. If you wanna fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly. And errrr, NewsGator says I have tons of subscribers. None of them for you. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. I'm not going to be your slave today. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. No sirreeeeeeeee. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. I am the most popular blogger around, you can't play with me. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. I wanta shoot someone. The only place different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven.

We gave another one of our "Naked Confabulations" talks, it bombed. So sorry, but the Geeky Dinner went over well. Funny joke overheard: "Ozzie Wuzzy was a blogger, Ozzie Wuzzy had no flair. Ozzie Wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy. Was he?"

Oh, I'm in an pissy, mean and ornery mood. Blame it on the jetlag. Blame it on this new build of Vista that's crashing all the time, like all. Blame it on this buggy WordPress software. Blame it on the Merlot. Blame it on the lack of sleep. Blame it on my poor showing at those Conferences. Blame it on the trolls. Gotta blame it on something. Blame it on the rain that was falling, blame it on the stars that did shine at night, whatever you do don't put the blame on you. Blame it on the rain yeah yeah. You can blame it on the rain.

Oh turns out there are lots of people complaining about my RSS feed. But yes, I took a stand, yeah. Yes I did. Don't you understand? Tap tap, this thing on? Check one, two, three, check, check. Contraditions, truth-fudging, PR spin? No matter. I like this disruption game a lot! And, yes, we haven't heard the last of the disruptions. Not by a long shot. The game is just getting started and will be going for years. I'm a man without conviction, I'm a man who doesn't know how to sell a contradiction, you come and go, you come and go. Clone the Google API! Oh I am taking the next week off, 25 posts later that is. Disruption! Mashup! Web 2.0!
I didn't get invited to FOOLS Camp this year, (private wail to 250 people on IM). But I will say nice things about Tim on my blog, saying what an honor it was to be invited last year. But he better darn well invite me next time, else I will hold my own Geek Barf Camp and not invite him, that will show him. How dare he? Just who does he think he is? Oh my comments are acting up. I still believe in the power of the blogs, just if you agree with me. Gobbels of the world not welcomed. Mudpit. Disagree = Troll. Oh pardon me, my comment system is down again. Disruption! Mashup! Web 2.0! I love the smell of startups! Blogs are truth and salvation all in one. Search engine rant, long-winded blather over Technorati vs. Google and then Google vs. Yahoo. MSN vs. Sphere/Exalead/Yahoo/Google and Google API/Feedster/Icerocket/Gabba Goo Bee Gabba/Technorati/Rice o' Roni. Web 2.0 me baby, yeah, dat's the ticket. Never met a startup I didn't like. Poster boy for the new useless Microsoft. PDC 2003 - The World Will Never Be the Same, fast-forward to 2005, well it's not such a big deal anyways. 2006: Good-bye fuckers, see yah Microsoft. Disruption!
Ah hey mah mah mah
Life in a northern town
Ah hey mah mah mah
All the work shut down
Hey, Microsoft give me M&A money, buy a bag of blogs with the money we've got. Back at base, sparks in the software. Oh, Shel Israel and I have apologized for our speech at Dis and Dats Blogs. Yeah, we sucked. It's my fault too, since I was driving that. I thought it would come out better than it did, but then it never does. I should learn. Thankfully these conferences aren't about the speeches. Blogs are conversations though. But Jeremy Wright says no, it isn't a real conversation, rather more like leaving post-its on a bulletin board. Well, yeah, but my 'volume on 11' megaphone starts conversations. I guarantee you that. Oh gotta jet to Seattle Mind Cramp, see you there. I hate Microsoft now.

It's very strange being in London and Paris, reading Dave, having dinner with all these VIP bloggers, it's like I have a front-row seat for all the cool dramas on the blogs and I ain't giving up. Name drop here, name drop there. Name drop here, name drop there. Disruption! What an honor to speak to this audience. What a city! More on that later. I was off of the Internet all weekend, I think I developed hives.
I'm just a man who needed a blog, to keep me alive - just keep me alive. I'm just a man whose circumstances went beyond his control. I want to thank you very much, for helping me escape, just when I needed to. Thank you. Thank you. I want to thank you, please. The problem's plain to see: too much technology.
Tripods, focus and good audio? Blah, that's not human enough, and video editing is for evil marketing people who don't get blogs. I am human, oh People of the Earth, I talk in a Human Voice. You just don't get it. I can't wait for the Das Blogs conference. Why do I enjoy blogger dinners so much? Because you can really get to know people and their ideas better, never mind the actual blogs. "Ear-Bleeding Belly Laugh", patent pending. Why do Hot Blogs branded Blogs take only a minute to post? Because the average blogger has only a minute and a half to read. Hot Blogs! Know what comes between me and my Bloggins'? Nothing. Yikes. Sometimes I just do something very stupid, well it's starting to become a trend. Hey, keep it quiet Goebbels, I know you think I'm stupid on every post. But, this time I overdid myself.

You might not know this, but Chris Pirillo (soon to be divorced again) RAVES about this or that. I am so giddy for the next GNOTHINGDEX. Oh, I got several complaints this morning that five days of posts are just gone. And my time stamps are all screwed up and my comment system is really acting up again. Fun! Not. Sigh. Oh, btw, I hate Microsoft now.

Buzz Bruggeman just got back from FlopTech! and said this start-up is too cool. Will check out. Disruption! In my blog book I realized I had written out at least 50 people at Microsoft who made a huge contribution to Emergency Code Nine. I tend to hog the limelight, giving back on my blog only when the coast is clear.

My advice? Stick with the orange XML icon. Why? It sticks out. Disruption! I got several more complaints this morning that five days of posts are just gone. How many of you are seeing that behavior? This person, founder of YetMoreWebPictures emailed me earlier today to tell me about his new Flickr-killer photo service.

Hey, this MVP religiously zealotish quite-insane fanboy, totally loves our new offering. [link] Whatsthematter with the rest of you (morons), anyways? Always so cynical. Be happy. A good mood impacts your thinking ability, you know.

The word-of-mouth network around the world is so efficient now that you can't win if you don't bloooooog. Wait! Hold that thought. Hey that reporter LOOKED at me wrong, I don't like his TONE. He looks shifty. What? Did you catch that? I think he snarled at ME. I don't get that type of humor, but I think they are making FUN of me. I demand ACTION and a RETRACTION! I never wrote that, I never said that, those are not my words. And that's NOT what I meant. Well if I meant that then, here's what I mean now or here's what I have been instructed (by my cage handlers) to now mean or think. Poor poor pitiful me. Oh these journalists won't let me be. Lord have mercy on me. Woe woe is me. Scream, wail, pout, rant. Must get even, send in the dogs, then claim plausible deniability. Your credibility is pretty low with me. EVIL journalists. Don't journalists ever correct themselves? I used to be a journalist, I know how to do it right, well techincally I only really ever took classes, which is where I met Woz. I stalked him in the parking lot. Yes, I know Woz. He invited me to his Super Bowl party, I know his cell phone number. And you don't, nah nah nah. I am powerful you know. It's the new human face of Microsoft. Dr. Jekel and Mr. Hype. Well, I was...Microsoft couldn't see fit to pay me what I was worth. Damn them all to hell.

These folks are raving about this new new new thing, it is a new new new Search Engine thing. Very interesting this new new new thing. A couple of Stanford dropouts started it. The next new new new Google? I am in a house on Sand Hill Road in Silicon Valley. I love the smell of startups! Reminds me of when the Microsoft toilets clog up, gotta save that water you know. Disruption! But they took away our TOWELS. World at end. Idealistic Valley liberalish-tripe feel-good comment here. Idealistic Microsoft liberalish-tripe feel-good comment here. New, new, new thing! Oh would you believe, my comment system is down again. There's so much to say. Run a bunch of stuff by tags. Tags are power. Good search engine. Found things like air shows, cheap wine, scrapbooking sites. I can't wait for the next Dis and Dats Blogs conference. Steve Gillmor and I snuck away after the dinner to a local diner where we stayed until well into the night. I finally got what he has been trying to tell us all, that or maybe it was just the Merlot. Interesting traffic analysis of various sites when it comes to links about scrapbooking. Just shows that it's not the quantity of audience that matters, it's the quality. When numbers low, claim quality. When numbers high, claim it's gone mainstream. You can never lose. Oh my comment system is taking a much needed rest again, back up shortly I hope, these things happen. Hey that reporter didn't wave to me. I will show him.

Disruption! Mashup! Web 2.0! Sometimes you need to fire a reader. You're fired. Microsoft just doesn't get influentials. Disruption! Mashup! Web 2.0! Disruption! Disruption! Steve Gillmor says this or that, but Microsoft's not getting the hint. Disruption! Disruption! Gosh Europe sucks, no WiFi like in all the San Fran Starwarsbucks. Let's set so double the killer delete select all. Oh, btw, Peter Moore, Major Nelson and John Porcaro said a shipment of around three Xbox 360s has come in...see people, have patience, replenishment is happening. Oh, we gave another one of our "Naked Confabulations" talks, it bombed. Speaking of bombing...

Big issue of day, I'm staying out of this one, but here's ten gallons of fuel and some matches. Michael Gartenberg has been reading our new book and is liking what we wrote, err rather what they wrote. Small army of analysts out there, I but always link to Joe and Mike, wink wink, nudge, nudge. I am not really a gamer but Xbox rocks dah world. Xbox 360 will rule the earth, bring peace and joy to all mankind. [One week later, ummm never mind.] This other thing that this Microsoft group does is really interesting but I am NOT going to link to them, they haven't opened up to the Emergency Code 9 cameras. Don't they know how to communicate in a human way to the people of the Earth? We gave yet another one of our "Naked Confabulations" talks, it bombed. They have to earn my link. I am the new face of the new new new Microsoft, so there. Name drop here, name drop there. Name drop here, name drop there. Sometimes you need to fire a reader. You're fired. FIRED. Name drop here, name drop there. Anyway, just some random stuff I'm thinking about at 3:02 a.m. Oh btw, I hate Microsoft now, they just don't get it.

Friday night and I need a fight
Handful of memes feels right
But what I need to get me tight are
Blogs, Blogs, Blogs...

Monday, November 07, 2005

Dan Gillmor

We the Mega-Creepy. I once was a bigtime newspaper reporter with all the connections in the world, Kings at my feet, but now I am a citizen Journalist. Just no one pays attention to me anymore. Pout.

Hey lookie here, Honor Tags. Anyone?

Hey, pay attention, yes you, doncha KNOW who I am? Won't you come see about me? I'll be alone, dancing, you know it baby. Think of the tender things, that we were working on. Don't, don't, don't, don't you forrrrgetttt about me.

Helllllllllllllllllloooooo? Is annnnnyyyyoooooneeee therrrrrrrrre? [Click] Poke poke poke poke poke You up yet Bert? Poke poke poke poke poke poke poke.

I think we're alone now, there doesn't seem to be anyone around. I think we're alone now.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Adam Curry

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Dave is god. [time passes] Well let me extend and revise that remark. Hey you, call your cable company and say 'I hate my MTV'. Users are losers, and losers are don't do MTV. Daily Ego Mode. PodShow, the night-time-coughing-sniffing-fever-sore-throat-runny-nose so-you-can-sleep-through-the-night Radio Show. MTV is evil. They suck. But not when I was there. Radio is evil. JackFM is the Devil himself. Here's a hint: the Devil looks exactly like Rikki Rachtman. Humanity reborn from the pods. Podcasting. Something Dave didn't invent. I did. Yes, I did. I did. I don't think you are listening. I invented it. Podcasting, yes, me. I invented it. I demand Wikipedia take notice, if not, time to edit. It was nothing before me. I invented it. Yes I did. I can prove it. I invented it. You haven't forgotten that yet have you? I invented Podcasting, me, myself and I. That would be invent. I invented it. Yes I did. I can prove it. I invented it. You haven't heard? I invented it. Yes I did. I can prove it. I invented it. Partnership for a Radio Free America. Podcasting. When you fuel up with a nutritious podcast like this one, with tasty low-sugar internet Poddios, those O's will help keep you on your toes!

My wife is way beyond your league, only people like me can bag such trophies. You little internet people, begone, or grovel at my feet. Daily Ego Mode. The music died when 'Remote Control' came on, repeat said story for the next 40 years. I invented podcasting. Yes I did. I can prove it. My podcast has a first name it's A-D-A-M. My podcast has a second name it's C-U-R-R-Y. And if you ask me why I'll say...'cause Adam Curry has a way with B-A-L-O-N-E-Y.

We had fun at this celebrity party, oh yes we did. Oh I invented Podcasting, even Steve Jobs calls me up to ask for advice. And yes Virginia, You've Got The Right One Baby! I invented it. Yes me. And doncha forget it. I am the Podfather, the Podfather. Blogging and podding from the Curry Cottage, and now the Curry Castle, and in a few days from the Curry Condo. Double Daily Dose of the Daily Ego Mode.

Three times as beautiful. Excellence Curry from L'Netherlands. One: The special pre-treatment prepares and repairs fragile areas. Two: Rich non-dripping Podcasts. And three: Weeks of deep conditioning. Triple protective Curry. No grays. Excellence in Curry from L'Netherlands. Get the look, get the feeling of a man like Curry de Baron. I demand worship. I invented Podcasting, me, myself and I. That would be invent. I invented it. Yes I did. We had fun at this celebrity party, oh yes we did. Special Edition of the Daily Ego Mode. I invented postcasting. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Steve Gillmor's Infopipe RotoRooter

ATTENTION Kmart Shoppers! ATTENTION! You have the ability to TRANSFER your attention to yourself, your attention is attended by your attention of the data creation of the attention attenders. You can pay attention to whomever you wish, just make sure it is me, and then you will receive attention meta-mega-big-gulp-data value in return.

In this new war, the Attention War, AttentionRust will be a good thing for anybody who migrates along with users to a new paradigm, we need attention against the creative spirit crush in a sea of non-attentioned mediocrity and lowest common denominator accrued-reputational-value independent automated-replicating synchronized attention-recorded metadata.

And Office is dead. Dead. Dead. Like Office Dead, except for the AppleJAXy Web Office Live that Ray Ozzie and I think is the future. Office is dead, but Office Live is not dead. Just the client, never mind that millions of people use Office. It's dead. Except for Office Live which lives. But the other is dead. Office Live is not Dead. But Office Non-Live is dead.

For the last four days my family and I have been in hell. Those who don't have pets can skip to another feed. We have twenty cats with tons of attention metadata...

I don't think you can fully appreciate the difference between the brutal techno-Darwinism-on-crystal-meth reality of the Internet space and the slow, polite, idealistic, chronically underfunded world of blogs unless you've worked in both environments — the difference is just too great.

What a bunch of baloney, Nick Carr. What a bunch of baloney, Andrew Keen, what a bunch of baloney, what a bunch of baloney.

When Robert Scoble reported on our lucid dreaming late night conversation after the Berkeley meat-up, I seriously panicked when I realized he had really gotten what I've been talking about with regards to attention. Then I calmed down, figuring he'd forget it all after a good night's sleep. Wrong. It finally took. 3,000 times is truly a charm.

How much disruption could a disrupter disrupt if a disrupter could disrupt disruption, assuming the disruption was actually disruptive and the disrupter was aware of the disruptive disruption?


(repeat endlessly)

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Steve Rubel

According to an Edelman analysis, the top 10 US blogs linked to each other 3,302 times over the last year. We are just talking to ourselves, looks like a whole lotta activity to our duped clients however, and that's what matters. Yes, our firm failed to be completely transparent, that whole 'practice what preach' thing is a tough call. There is a process in place that I had to let proceed through its course. Of course, that doesn't apply to any one else. Me? I am soooooo above-the-law, Godlike is more the kick, really. If you knew the PR Industry, like I do, you'd understand.

Cast the spell...Walmart be Hip. Always Low Content! Always Fake Blogs! Here have this Red Vista Laptop, early Christmas present. No wait, we want it back. Well you can give it away. Wait, no you can keep it, wait no, it's ours, yours, ours, must give away, but you must tell the world your decision. We are here for you, ruining your credibility one laptop at a time. Walmart fake blogs! Hey, Rubel can you clear this all up? [SILENCE]. Pssst, the open transparency new media world doesn't apply to me. I preach, I don't practice. You need that repeated? I mean be real.

Microscopic Thoughts. PR Industry is sure slow in learning the ways of the blogosphere. Lucky for them, I am here. Blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs, blogs.

Don't forget about my recent call to action. I should have some concrete next steps to announce real soon once a process is in place. Hopefully if we all act, we can turn the tide. If not, we can just fire up some fake blogs.

Did I mention blogs? Free laptops anyone?

Nary a PR trainwreck we can't create. Your Social Media Fuck-Uppers, at your service.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

United Empire of Denton

Esq'r; Lieut Gen'l of His Majesties Sleaze Armies in America. Commander of The Queen's Regiment of the Light Hireling Blogoons. The strategic occupation of New York, conciliation over conquest. Hooking up blogs and making 'em function. Gossip,Gadgets, Porn, Cars and Sports, Video Games, Raw Tabloid Meat. It's not supposed to be uplifting. I dream of a world entirely without privacy (that goes for you too, Mr. Durst). You can't pretend to yourself that people actually have highfalutin taste. These hardy knaves and stupid fools, some apish and pragmatic mules, some servile acquiescing tools! The blog shall have its course. I will live and die by the blog! But then again, it's just the latest iteration of internet media. We all have a lot of rage; way better to take it out on the web.

Speed is a higher priority than accuracy, animated by these considerations; at the head of Troops in full powers of health, discipline, and full supply of 'Hot Pockets'; we are determined to strike where and when necessary. The domestick, the industrious, the infirm, and even the timid inhabitants I am desirous to protect provided they remain quietly in their houses, and not endeavour to obstruct the operations of the Kings troops, or supply or assist those of the Enemy.

Networking is no longer a substitute for a social life, but blogging is. Except most professionals, when talking shop, are boring. Blog people thought they were so fascinating as to be exempt from that rule. Bloggers are pathetic, I should know. But then Silicon Valley’s technology-hype complex is probably minting a new social-life buzzword phrase even as we speak. Feh. Idiots. But who cares? Blog and party on. Pretentious New York Media Party here, pretentious New York Media Party there. Snark. Snark. But you bloggers are not space-cadet monkeys bringing the world back to square one. Feh. I hate bloggers.

False Humility as art form. Full shotgun-blast blizzard of media attention-catching ploys. Eh? I don't know why you guys are so interested in my little franchise. It's just the next wrinkle of internet media. The hype comes from unemployed or partially employed marketing professionals and people who never made it as journalists wanting to believe. I do find bizarre the level of interest. But my own personal mood is dependent on two things: traffic and working out. And it doesn't even pay that much, well at least it doesn't for the hooligan-motley rabble of saucy boys and pretentiously outlandish writers I have churning out content for me. I love blogs. Speed is a higher priority than accuracy. I quit Moreover as they wouldn't buy Blogger, how so shortsighted of them. Feh. But, whatever, we would probably have messed it up.
And now will these Americans, children guided by our care, nourished up by our Blogs until they are grown to a Degree of Strength and Opulence, and protected by our Intellect, will they grudge to contribute their mite?
Blogs are BIGTIME BABY. But wait really they are independent films - really small independent films. But yet they are BIGTIME. A Blog Revolution? Get a grip. But they are Bigtime, not, yes, no, no, yes, kinda, sorta, no, yes, no no, yes. Yes and No both. We are up within seconds. Speed! Eat that Print Media. Yes, no. Feh, I don't care, as long as I am King of New York. Once vigorous measures appear to be the only means left of bringing the Americans to a due submission of the blogs, they shalt submit.
Lord Chancellor, did I deliver the blogs well?
'Very well indeed, sir,'
'I am glad of that, for there was nothing in it.'
Hey do a profile about me!! Yes. Do one now. Yes. What? Why are you media sooooo giddy about blogs? Do I look sexy enough? Do I? Do I? Make sure you sex up my copy. But blogs about blogs and all that geeky rot? That I don't read. How trite. I want to sex all these blogs up. Sex up. Short Attention Span Blog Theater. Hey can you make that gadget sexy? Spice it up. I mean stop being so droll. Sex sells! Sex is King. Never a double-meaning I don't like. SEX SEX. SEX. Do you UNDERSTAND the WORDS that are COMING out of MY MOUTH? Make it sparkle, make it shine! Perk it up, perk it up! SEX!

Creative individuals tend to be bad managers. Gossip, gossip. Prentenious New York Media Party. We hate Nikki Finke, but then doesn't everyone? I mean, feh. Well everyone I know at least. Such droll investigative negativity, don't bother me with reality. Pretentious New York Media Party. Gossip, gossip. Pretentious New York Media Party. All Hail Huffington. Pretentious British Media Party. Pretentious LA'ish Media Party. Pretentious Hollywood Media Party. Pretentious New York Media Party. Pretentious Ex-Pat Media Party. Gossip, gossip. Pretentious New York Media Party. Most high, most mighty, most puissant, and sublimely sexy. And lost Ed Wood PORN! I like blogs, but IM is so much more me. You know, I haven't even met most of our writers, all those high-on-the-job, 1960s-duds-wearing, notoriously-unemployable grade-school drop-outs. But oh, Tina Brown is quite simply divine. I have had it with being called a visionary, just the 'Party Toast of the Town' will do.

Guess who is coming out with this and that, I overheard this at a party. Will you blog for me? So what if you piss off half the sling-back-wearers in town? You can always become a blogger! Here's more of the latest gossip. We don't do hits just stories. But make sure you find some story to smear that slug. I mean she wouldn't even look at me at that one party. How so punk-rock. Equal Opportunity Snarkiness, but not for Soho House, not anymore. Snark snark. Proving that you need not have talent to be snarky. I was a real journalist once. I liked it for one day, afterward it's cold and dirty and boring and scary.

FT to network interneting startup people to Blogs. Faux Tuesday to Blog-All-Day. San Fran is corrupt and lethargic culturally and socially flawed, New York bound I am. Sex things up. Sex them up. Blogs! Hey Rojas make a joke about that phone vibrating. Can they blog or not? The blog doesn't lie. The blogs don't lie. Pretentious New York Media Party. Send in the Spiers. She can blog. Out with the Spiers. Do a hit, errr, I meant a story. Branding the Blogs. Input: web links, random gossip, celb stalking, add deadpan snark. Output: Faux Empire. I am the TOAST of the TOWN. Worship me. Don't hate me for being smart and beautiful. Just graven-image me and make sure you sex it up. Serious bitch-slappery by blog. Blogs are scrumptious when they crunches. And as far as Balthazar? Feh. Pathetic.

Degawmodogridyjelloscreenettedeadhackerfleshspin. Thanks Paris, that sex tape made us. Kudos Jude Law. Yay, Kate Moss! Hey, thanks, Katrina you were a traffic goldmine. Wilma not so much. Time for my work-out. Oh dear me, Wash DC is soooooo desperately unglamorous, let's SEX it up. SEX it up baby.

Cox: "Penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis. That what you wanted?"

The riff with Calacanis is hype. But how dare that twerp slag me, I was royally shafted. AOL will ruin him. The whole point about blogs is that they're not part of big media. Consolidation defeats the purpose. And Rojas, oh yea be foreverhenceworth damned, yah insolent ungrateful traitor vermin.

Jason: "This here engadget makes photocopies better than the orginials. And oh, Spiers sucks, now just a 500th feature writer for all those evil Newwww Yaaaarrrk mags, with your totally Confusionist Droll Johnson. And while I am at it, fuck Jeff Jarvis. When you start balling Jeffster, then you can question a baller, dat's the word up, from da Jdawg. And oh hey, Howard Stern likes me."

Nick: "Feh, when will Jason Calacanis put some of his 500 defunct WIN titles out of their godforsaken misery? And can't Jason do math...31 is not 85. He's just a crossposting never-ending sales pitch money-hungry, asshole. Plus, people want SEX. Sex it up baby! Yeah baby! S-E-X!!! And oh, Jason never gets invited to the cool parties. Plus he's insane, just look at him talk, he's his own worst enemy. That anti-Jarvis bit is from the mind of a paranoid nutcase."

And hey, guess who is coming out with this and that, I overheard this at a party. Snark snark. Speed is a higher priority than accuracy. I don't think you HEARD ME, speed is a higher priority than accuracy. Speed! And Catherine Zeta-Jones can kiss my sexy British ass. Kinja. Kinja. Sex it up. Or maybe not. We will retry that one later. But oh I hate it when others blog about me. Pretentious New York Media Party. Can't a guy just get a drink without the bloggers reading something into it? Damn bloggers! And oh, for the record, that pie merely GLAZED me. Yeah. Yeah. That's my story and I am sticking to it. This print mag's next issue is out in three months. Eat that, print media. Hit the radar hard. We don't do hits just stories. Oh those other bloggers, making ME look bad. Have mercy upon me, according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions and make it look sexy. I said SEX it up. Does this trendy t-shirt look sexy? I am too sexy for my shirt. I am too sexy for print. Blogs, eat some now, save some for later, eat some now, save some for later.

I shall prevent this so-called American Media from being ever-preserved from a state of inferiority and from consequently failing. SEX it up! And hey, guess who is coming out with this and that, I overheard this at a party. Hey. Tina Brown likes me, and likes blogs, she thinks they are changing the collective voice of journalism. Feh. That's pathetic. They aren't. But maybe they are if Tina said it. Tina rocks. Can you blog? SEX it up, fast, speed is the priority. You have only, when before you blog, to keep pronouncing to yourself nimini-pimini; the lips cannot keep taking their plie. Serious snarky gossipy bitch-slappery. But I've stopped reading blogs. It just annoys me too much, so I don't read them. Blog people are not like you and me. Blogs are only good for tearing things down. Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't. Most everyone here is a misfit of some sort. And, in our own way, we'll be doing something to fix the capitalist system. But then not really. Blogs don't mean anything, they are only good for tearing things down. Don't think too hard, just party on. Pretentious snarking snark snarked-up with its own self-branding style of snarkiness...
If blogs buzzed after the press,
If gossip were on the front page,
Newspapers at sea,
And if celebrities could be chased
Into holes by the pajamaed mice,
If summer were winter,
And the other way 'round,
Then all the world would be upside down.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Joi, To the World

Everything old is new again!

I am planning a trip itinerary to Berlin and then following that, to Cairo, then New York, back to Tokyo and then to Switzerland, and to Colorado and London, with a non-stop romp to Amsterdam, then an extended stay in Paris, and meeting with some start-up company in Brussels, and off to Cologne and Dusseldorf and finally to Iowa City, Iowa. Iowa grows corn or something I think. I will be giving a talk, it will be on the 'Emergence of Digital Lifestyle Socialization and Couch-Potato Tupperwareization and it's Global Implications for the Blogosphere and the Digital Society's Daily Vitalization and Yearly Pulsation in General.'
"Joi does fit the profile perfectly. He's intelligent, but an underachiever; alienated from normal society, addicted to fantasy worlds. Classic case for recruitment by the Bloggers."
Joi Ito Fawning Fan Club Meet-Up. I won't be there, but I expect a full report. Also take note: Second Life party! But in pesky REAL LIFE, not online. Second Life, better than the first, details in #ohjoyitdontgo (where all the cool peeps hang).

As you can see, I've set up a separate blog for my World of Warpcrap life. I'll try to post interesting things that happen. I was chatting with Beasthamburgermucher yesterday. She had recently turned level 51. I told her that she could go on Big Mac runs now if she went with good level 60s. What ensued was the most hilarious mustard wipe-a-thon I've ever been on. This hikikomori isn't all bad.
I've been workin' on the MMORPG
All the livelong day
I've been workin' on the MMORPG
just to pass the time away
Can't you hear the whistle blowin'
Rise up so early in the morn
Update on Emergent Democracy? Well, nothing to report. It wasn't really much more than a lucid dream, it needed community input and legislative action, that I never got (people just don't get it). And I get distracted too easy and can't focus, plus my travels, Lordy me, have you seen my schedule? I have important things to do, important Board Meetings to attend. I can't save the world all by myself you know. Plus, I have launched a campaign to depopulate Khadgar, the project. If you find that people are mean to you, ninja your loot and won�€™t talk to you, try starting a toon in another realm and get the fuck out of Khadgar.

Mena? Mena who? Ben who? What? I can't hear you.

My thoughts about the State of the Blogosphere, with some extra material, and yet some more thoughts, still more thoughts, and you are not going to believe this, but still more recollections and thoughts, and as an added bonus, here's a guest blogger with their observations and thoughts on the State of the Blogosphere Union, but before I hand over the mike, you might want to take note of these additional thoughts. [paragraphs and paragraphs of meaningless statistics and charts].

FON is an innovative company that is starting a global-thermo movement. I am on the Advisory Board, even though I know nothing about telecomunications, but they are quite in-tune, and they totally get it, in reaching out to us blogging and World of Warpcrafters. So Advisory Board! Yay, another one, free travel, important meetings, meet and greet, discuss big big big ideas, play Warpcraft, but I avoid discussing anything SixFallingApart. Too many problems, tired of hearing from irate customers, DollarShort is right. And speaking of World of Warpcraft, it's the New Emergent Democracy Virtual Golf, The New Black and the New White too, The Real New Web 2.0, The New Second Life, the New New Google (minus the Search Engine thing), but it's really The New New NEW.

YouTube is a "cool" poster-child of the Web 2.0 trend, but doesn't meet the basic requirement of allowing the user to download videos from the site. While it is "sharing", it is what Larry is calling a "fake sharing site".

Wikipedia is God! Digital Communalism! No more Private Digital Property! Return of the Mega Collective Algorithms!

Oh I'll be in SF for the Creative Commumnist board thingie (more a party) this weekend. Will have some time to hang out and talk about blogs, blogging and bloggers and World of Warpcraft. All these travels, reminds me to write a piece about 'The Emergence of Slickr Digital Fuzzy Phone-Mobiler Flickrer Virtual Cameraizations.'

Pardon me, Wapcraft Time!
Is this a game or is it real?
Joishua: What's the difference?
Silly sushi video. Shall we play a game? Where in the World is Carmen San Joi Ito? Oh, maps show, Chateau Lessig, San Francisco.

Videofrogpadcasting, Remote Visual-Dishwashering and Nano-Particle Carpet-Cleaningizationals seem obvious candidates to take off, but any thoughts on what other new aspects of digital-lifestyle conceptual-framework socialization will emerge? What will be the next big Conference thing? But with whatever happens in primordially emerging developments, forming the formless formations into technological progress, don't forget to put me on the Advisory Boards. Hey, Varsavsky, I want lots of money, lots. I promise I will say good things. Your money buys my mouth.

I am a WiFi Addict. I need WiFi, and I need it now! Like now now. Like this very nano-second now. NOW! I once took a plane and it had NO WiFi. I was going nuts. After I got off the plane, I reflected on how my broadband addiction and obsession will never be satiated.

I spent part of the day today in court. This is probably the fifth time that I've had debt collectors of various sorts come after me because of guarantees that I've made. Japan is still a feudal nation. Sigh, back to World of Warpcraft.
"What you see on these screens up here is a fantasy; a computer enhanced hallucination!" - S. Falken

Sunday, June 08, 2003

Simple Guide to the A-List Bloggers

Dave Winer

Anyone who disagrees with me is a festering disease-carrying burnt-toast maggot. I am the Internet, doncha know that? I made it what it was. I invented Blogs. And my markup spec's are the all. Scripting and DaveNet was everything, I was ahead of the game. And when you all were still in diapers, I was (and still am) the world. I am King of the Whole Wide World. Microsoft is pure evil, they want to steal your kids, salt your lawn, plant greenish-oozed nuclear waste in your laundry detergent. I, however, have only the best of intentions. Comments? Sorry no can do. But trust me. Link Link Link Link to my supporters. Slam slam slam the ones I hate. Backstab here, backstab there. Change this spec here, change that spec here. RSS Spec fight here, RSS Spec fight there. Only thing worse than Microsoft are the morons at SixApart. Change spec - here, there and everywhere. Disagree? Then you are Evil Incarnate. Unreadable unmanageable code here, unreadable unmanageable code there. How to Disinfluence People and Tick-Off the Entire World via Blog. Anyone who was under the mistaken impression that Bloggers all get along hasn’t met me. Slam slam slam slam slam slam the ones I hate. Hey, not so fast, I invented that. Yes I did. YES I DID! Here’s a pointer to this issue 3.5 years ago when I discussed and invented it. So there! Here is my definition of what a makes a blog a blog, and I outta know.

10. Print “Blogs are Cool, they will Save the World. And Dave is the King of the Entire World.”
20. Goto 10.

Commmeoooon, everyone, shout along to the beat. Ready now? A one...A one, two three, fouuurrr...Slam slam s-l-a-m - Slam slam s-l-a-m - Slam slam s-l-a-m.

“In the beginning was the Blog, and the Blog was with Dave, and the Blog was God. The same was in the beginning with Dave. All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life; and the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness (everyone but Dave) comprehended it not.”

Doc Searls

Peace brother. Peace. Chill out, man. If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands. If you’re happy and you know it, your Blog will surely show it. Clap your hands. Greetings from the Left Coast. Internet Utopia. Blogs do have a metaphor. It’s writing. Journalism. I am not a real Doctor, but Linux will cure cancer. Toke up, yah man, peace. Happy happy. No conflicts, Contractions do not exist. Someone said Blogs are the director’s cut of journalism. I am never wrong. Circumvent, distort, sleight-of-hand tricks, and even when I am cornered, I simply open the discussion for my supporters to back me up. Follow along. Or contribute. Or both. Whatever. Just don't disagree. This new meme here, that new meme there. Here’s some pointage to back and forth between this person and that person on this issue. DIY Journalism. The powers of Big Media have been forever broken!! Power to the People. Linux rules! Linux makes a great hamburger topping. Blogs, there is no us and them. It’s all us. Weblogs are the highest form of audience content. Weblogs are the highest form of evolutionary development. Printwash, Searlsowash, but NOT Googlewash, no no. Google is God. If not on Google it doesn’t count. Libraries, reference material? Hogwash! Wall yourself out, get what you deserve. Hotel Internet troubles! Blanket the World in FREE broadband Wi-Fi. Yes! Wi-Fi will save us all! And oh, Andrew-Orlowski-is-the-Devil-Wash-But-I-Still-Sorta-Like-Him-As-I-am A-Happy-Person-Always, Ireallyhavenoearthlyideawhatiamtalkingaboutbutiblogonwash, Chill, Peace, Everything should be free man. Free! Paying for content on the web is downright Satanic. Free man free. The blog train has been delivering clues to the newspaper publishing business for several years now, but we don’t have a sign that the biz is taking delivery. Link Link Link to these people who support me. I had lunch with this person, she’s been one of my favorite conference buddies. Link Link to the ones that don’t, but only to the ones I can make fools of (in a nice way). Linux weenie Geek Cruises. Linux weenie Geek Conference Blog reporting. Linux weenie geeky tours of this city, of that city. Check out this Geek party I was at. Companies may start launching Web logs that have a business objective. Bad. Bad. Bad. As they won’t really have authentic voices. Link Link Link to these interesting things. Cluetrain. No such thing as branding. Cluetrain. Comment. Comment. Comment. Understanding the new world. AirplaneWindowMoblogging. At 5 or so I arrive at JFK. I’m in New York through Tuesday. Whoa. So very very dreamy. The web is growing larger and more important to nearly everybody. I am bulletproof, even if I am wrong, I will blog endlessly and bore you to death in a Blog comment ‘endless-loop-link-link-link-maze’ so you will forget. I’m here, somewhere in Long Island. Blogging from The World of Sheraton. Internet is the all, always growing. Technobabble. Link Link Link to these interesting things. Comment. Comment. Comment. Here's some totally pointless pointage to back and forth between this person and that person on this issue and that issue. Now I’m at this conference, which thankfully has working Net access provided by a solid Wi-Fi connection. Yeah, strange as it may seem, I actually believe half of the BuzzPhrases, I made up in that old computer program. I have two regrets about this conference trip. One is that I only brought one undershirt. The other is that I forgot my copy of this latest book. I had lunch with this person, he’s been one of my favorite conference buddies. This new meme here, that new meme there. Friends, supporters and speaking fees. I want speaking gigs, 6 figures please, and oh please buy my book! Pretty please! I alone know all about the New Age of Marketing. Clap your hands. Every one else has no Clue. Internet Utopia. Linux-weenie Geek Conference Blog reporting. How did I ever live with dial-up? Suffering it at this hotel is proving how blogging is a grace of bandwidth, at least for me. Here’s some pointage to some back and forth between this person and that person on this issue. This person brings up a really good question. Discuss. Here’s some pointage back and forth on this question. This new meme here, that new meme there. Discuss. Discuss.

Dan Gillmor

I am not really a journalist, I just play one on a Blog. This meme here, that meme there. Swarm Journalism!! Blogs are everything. Hey, I am writing a book on this, please help me. Blogs are everything yes. Blogs are everything yes yes. Repeat, Rinse, Repeat, Rinse and Dry. Journalism needs to get a clue, yo wake up, you old-fashioned Newspapermen, this is the future. I am leading the charge, I get it, how come you don't? Buncha morons!! It’s cloudy and chilly in Helsinki, where I’ll be participating in a social software/blog workshop. It’s foggy and chilly in London, where I’ll be participating in a social software/blog workshop. I am in Europe phone calls are expensive, Net access is iffy. And there’s no ketchup to be found for miles!! And I am not really a political reporter or Blogger, but I hate those Republicans and all their drumbeat Warmongering Buddies! Oh they are EVIL! They all just play golf, inherit money and wage wars for Oil! SUVs are EVIL. Silicon Valley Leftist short-comment rant here, Silicon Valley Leftist short-comment rant there. Bill Moyers is God! Technorati is God. This meme here. Sheesh, hotel Internet problems! Anyone know any cool Wi-Fi hotspots? Any Bloggers out there wanta go for a coffee? Visit to this Internet start-up company, visit to that Internet start-up company. They are the greatest, they do good work. News story comment quip. UPDATE: Several readers say they read this story different. After a closer reading, I tend to agree. I tend to write before I think. This meme here, that meme there. This meme here, that meme there. This meme here, that meme there. This meme here, that meme there. Thanks to the Blogosphere I never have to do real reporting. I take what Bloggers say at face value. Microsoft is Evil no wwwaaaiiiit I mean Good, no Evil, no now they are Good, but Evil, but still Good, Evigood Gooevil EvGoilod. Google is God. This meme here, that meme there. This meme here, that meme there. Repeat. Endless loop.

Howard Rheingold

Smart Mobs. Smart Mobs. Could you Mobs who are Smart, buy my Smart Mobs book, please? Smart Mob thyself to the bookstore. Whole Earth, Whole Earth, The Well, remember me? I was the original Internet hippie. I was everything. Power to the People, yeah yeah. Hum that around the drum circle. The Virtual Community, Virtual Reality, Tools for Thought. Mondo 2000, Wired ’94, all the glory utopiaistic future. Social Revolution, yeah man, yeah yeah. Brainstorms Community, MUDs as Constructionist Learning Environments, far out man. Are we awake to the world we’re building, or are we, as an old Sufi saying goes, merely asleep in life's waiting room? Excursions to the Far Side of the Mind: A Book of Memes, Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming. New Age Cybertechnophile’isms. Whoa, far out. Rheingold Associates, sustainable social networks, teamwork spaces, Online Social Networking, hire me, pretty pretty please. Yah yah yah. Man. Brave new world. I was present at birth. Smart Mobbing. Woulda like to see my painted shoes? Social Revolution, yeah man yeah. Smart Mobs, and don’t forget to Smart Mob thyself to the bookstore. Whole Earth, Whole Earth.

Joi Ito

Blog about Blogging. More Blogging about Blogging, yet more Blogging about Blogging, still more Blogging about Blogging, would you believe more, Blogging about Blogging. Blogging about Wiki. Wiki’ing about Wiki. A new meme: OPM (Other Peoples Money). It’s amazing where you can go, and what you can do using OPM. Social software. Look at me, I am doing Lunch with these VIPs. Lunch. Lunch. I am Japans best citizen. Making the World Safe for Emerging New Democracy, that's all me. Hussling Energy. I was here, before any of you. I am the Silicon Valley of Japan. I “survived” the Bubble, but I won’t tell you how. I am everything to the world, and I have money. I am a Venture Capitalist, I will talk up this tech, get everyone jazzed, but I am looking to get in on it or I already have, but everything I do is so open and transparent, you can trust me, repeat, you can trust me, I am just having a conversation. Emergent Democracy American Bandstand Dance Party. Lunch, Lunch, Link Link to friends and people that like and reward me. Blogging about Blogging. Lunch, Lunch, Party, Party, Conference, Government panel, Lunch, Party, Party, Jet Set Travel. Government panel. Overthrow the Japanese Government! Cultural and Political Revolution! Check out my non-profit. I give back to the little people. Tell me I am great. The Internet will save us all. Speech here, speech there. Moblogging. Moblogging about Blogging. Moblogging about Moblogging. Moblogging about Wiki'ing. Blogging about me. Doncha wish you were me? Tough. Blogging about my greatness. Japan needs a Revolution. Wiki. Wiki. Blog. Blog. Emergent Democracy Lunch. Times are tough, revenues are down, but I don't let that stop my enthusiasm or the hype machine. Emergent Democracy Blogger Hula Hoop Party. Join the conversation. Lunch. Lunch. I am Japans best citizen. Blog about Blogging. More Blogging about Blogging. Emergent Democracy ‘Toys-R-Us’ Superstore Grand-Opening Party.

Chris Locke/Rageboy

Long rambling essays about my penis. Casuistic sickening introspection. Internet is everything. I was here at the start. But because I am a tad narcissistically satirical, you can see that I don't take it all so very seriously, but yet oddly I do. Buy my book. Rolling Stone 70s era drugified rock-and-roll journalism revivals. I only wish I was Lester Bangs. Pointless wandering meanderings about nothing, but aren't I a good writer? You think Hunter S. Thompson likes me?

Esther Dyson

Release. Spew. Discovering the obvious and promoting the impossible. New Age Tech Cult of the Month. Whoa this Blogger meme here. How did I miss this? Thanks to the O’Reilly Emerging Tech Conference, for turning me onto this. Whoa. You mean I have to communicate clearly? Oh this is new. This is so very very new. I can’t really talk about anything, all under wraps. But trust me, whatever I do, and wherever I go, whomever I talk with, it all is so very very very important. Santa Fe Institute, yeah, join my New Age Science Cult. I have been orbiting Pluto for quite sometime now. I don’t think I was born on this planet. But I know everyone in this industry I am powerful, so doncha DARE cross me, or you will pay dearly. I know people. Double-agent and back-stabbing extortion as a profession. Highest bidder wins out. Hi. Pre-Release 4.0. Pay me money. NOW!

Chris Pirillo

I am everything. I created newsletters. I made them work. Want some of my spammy newsletters? Former TechTV star. I am cool. The size of my ego wouldn’t even fit in Texas. Doncha wish you lived my life? In the Age of Spam, my answer to everything is email newsletters, yes, links to shareware, freeware, thisware, that ware, along with smart comments quips from Super Geek, why I mean me, of course. It is all about branding and my chaotic hyperkinetic personality. Join my Brain Trust and I can tell you how *I* did it, yes, yoooou tooo, can cassssshhhh in on all the Internet Riches out there just waitttting to be found, for onnnnnlllllllyyyyy $97 a month. But waiiiiit thereeeereee’s moooree, we'll throw in a cool piece of Pocket PC software that I got from my Microsoft buddies. They like me. I like me. I use a Palm now however. But I am Super Geek. And there was no Bubble. No no no. That’s a lie! This shareware product here is cool, that shareware there is too, this freeware thing here rocks me. Hey, I want freebies. I won’t review or promo your product unless you give it to me. I am a Marketing Tidal Wave. Doncha know that? You just don’t get it, do yah? TechTV sucks now, it should be called LeoTV. I hate TechTV, don’t pay attention to them now that *I* am not there. Well, they were crap even when I was there, but that's beside the point. I am here now, Your Super Geek at work. Come to my Conference. Link Link. Link to this this cool computer magazine I am in, you can subscribe too, pretty please. Link to Gretchen. Amusing private story about Gretchen. I am the real Geek. Supreme Geek of All. Come to my conference. Its everything. All the other Bloggers know this. I am El Geeko Numbero Uno, there is no other. Wanta know my tricks? You too can be a geek like me, just open your wallet, and send all to me. Multi-Level-Geek-Marketing, its a whole new world! I am a Geek, repeat I am a Geek. But Linux sucks. Geek. Geek. My face as branding, only I know how to market, I am the new Marketing Force, check out these sexy hot chic pictures, my wife cuts cabbage to relieve stress, we got a video of it. Want to pay me lots of money for creative weird advertising things I dream up after too much computer monitor radiation? Advertise on my coffee mug. Advertise on my t-shirt. Advertise on my laptop, send your company logo stickers. Want to pay me some money for my photobloglog? You never know who I will run into.

Multi-Level-Geek-Social-Software-Spammy-Newsletter Marketing, its a whole new world! Link to wife. Amusing private story, that might land me in divorce court, about my wife. I am the future of Marketing, everyone else just doesn’t get it. Only I do.

Ben and Mena

We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We like blogs. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute. Blogs rule. Moveable Type rules. We are cute. We are cute. We got money from Joi, yippie. We are cute. We are cute. Blogs rule. Moveable Type rules. We are cute. We are cute. Blogs rule. Moveable Type rules. We are cute. No one else is cuter. We are cute. We are cute. We are cute.

Adam Curry

Celeblogging. I used to be a MTV VJ, you know, big hair, that whole thing? Yeah, I was cool. MTV sucks now though. I am cool. I am Beautiful People. But I am now European cool again. Follow my life. Oh I love Macs. Wonder if my stock is up? Our Italian wedding made all 4 major gossip mags! Link Link Link to interesting things, mini-comments, snippy mini-comments. Link Link to interesting things, big comment, small comment. My wife is a sexpot. I am so lucky. Link Link to interesting things, comment, comment. I used to be a MTV VJ. Good morning from Belgium. Good morning from Italy. Good morning from France. Good morning from Germany. Good morning from London. Europeans rule, Americans suck. I hate Americans and your doofus President. Europeans rule, Americans suck. Link Link Link to interesting things. Follow my life. I am cool, but sophisticated, yeah, not like you Americans who eat at McDonalds and ruin the world, no no. Link Link to semi-interesting things, comment quip, comment quip. Link to celebrity news, comment quip. Link to bad MTV news, comment quip. I wish they’d go bankrupt! MTV sucks, so do you Americans! I try and forget that I am American. Check out this big name celebrity party I was at, comment quip. Good morning from Holland. I am Beautiful People. I am Beautiful People. Yeah, I was cool. MTV sucks now though. I am cool. Good Morning from Belgium. Partly sunny with showers.

Gnome Girl

Freak out. I have more blogging friends than non-blogging friends. I communicate better in writing then verbally. Live from California. Whoa. See like, this, like, was, like, fer sure, like, totally, like, cool, like, like, yeah. Ok, I hafta have a serious moment now. Real serious. Oh ok, like that's over. See like, this, like, was, like, fer sure, like, totally, like, cool, like, like, yeah. Krad! Totally. I am sexy. I want someone to sing “your body is a wonderland” someday to me. I rock. To GnuKnow me is to GnuKnow that you GnuKnow me, GnuKnow what I am saying? Like, totally! No Gnunews is good Gnunews. Goodbye suck toes man. Groovy angels, rock my world. Miss Gnomedex. I think everyone has a superpower, mine is the ability to put lipstick on without looking in a mirror. See like, this, thing was like, was, like, fer sure, like, totally, like, cool. I rock. I am sexy. I love presents!! Send me some. Totally! Seriously I don’t like golf so I stay as far away from it as possible, also spinach can’t stand the stuff!

David Weinberger

Darwinism'ims. Leftist shrill rant. Small pieces, loosely joined. Loosely joined small pieces. Leftist shrill rant. Link Link, Blog friend link. Leftist shrill rant. Leftist shrill rant. Leftist shrill rant. Touchy-feely Leftist shrill rant. Bleeding-heart Leftist shrill rant. Capitalism is evil. Commons is good. Neo-Communism rules. Leftist shrill rant. Good and Evil do not exist, but Andrew Orlowski is the Devil. Link Link. Interesting things. One paragraph sum up of this link here. Link Link, Blog friend link. Leftist shrill rant. Blogs as Education. Blogs. Blogs. New meme here, rant there. The Internet is a whole water-skiing pyramid of giants. Utopia. Blog friend link. Blog friend link. Leftist shrill rant. Touchy-feely Leftist shrill rant. Bleeding-heart Leftist shrill rant. New meme here, rant there. Link Link, Blog friend link. Leftist shrill rant.

Ray Ozzie

Social software. Social software. Incredibly powerful collaborative project management software. Social software. Groove me baby. Incredibly powerful collaborative project management, project management, chaotic collaborative project management. Thoughts about Blogging in companies. Blogging Guidelines. Blogging as collaborative project management. Ubiquitous computing, Networking, Web and RAD technologies. COM and C++, .NET and Scripting. Social software, yeah man. Force chaos into the system. Groove on. Collaborative Project Management. Lotus. Far out. Eastern Psychobabble Mysticisms. Ubiquitous computing. My thoughts on remaking the whole internet in my image. Thoughts about Blogging in companies. Chaos! Blogging Guidelines. Grooooovvvvve. Repeat 100x.

Anil Dash

New York. New York. Big Apple Blogger Bash. But the thing I kept coming back to was the barley. I mean, wheat is the big man on the grain campus. You can’t ignore wheat. Links. Weird Links. Cool Links. Links about Links. Links. More Links. Index of Links. Link Indexes of Link Indexes Indexed. Ben and Mena inside gossip. Moveable Type. Radio sucks! Dave Winer is a smushed toad. Winer is a Whiner. I work in Marketing. Moveable Type! Journalists are the Devil, they only ever rewrite Press Releases. Just who do they think they are anyways? Bah Humbug! Bloggers are the future. Weird Links. Cool Links. Links about Links. Links. More Links. Andrew Orlowski is exactly what is wrong with the world. Avoid trolls, or anyone who disagrees with me, same thing. Pretentious New York City life random observations. The other day, I had beef mushroom barley soup. But that was unusual, not just because it included mushrooms, but because Carson Daly was sitting about 10 feet away at the time. But I digress. Links about Links. Links. More Links. New York stories. Links about Links. Links. More Links. Moveable Type! Ben and Mena! Yeah! Blogs are the future. Big Journalism has met its final deathmatch. Bloggers are the future. Bloggers of the World, Unite! New York stories. Links about Links.

Dave Barry

I am not really a Blogger. Just spreading the humor to the Blogosphere. I am a super popular newspaper columnist. I am hip enough to understand the web. Me make funny joke. You laugh. I love Miami. South Florida is like heaven. Come back to the early days of the web, when everything was all a funny weird link. Its the Worst of the Web, with Dave as your host. See me try and make funny. Me make funny. See my snippy, oh so funny, comments about all these weird links. Yes, the weird is out there. Funny funny. Please laugh. Read my column. Buy my numerous pointless but funny (least I think so) books. The Publishers are kinda getting mad. Laugh Laugh. Please? Question of the day: Will they run up the Pyramids in slow-motion wearing really tight Bathing Suits? Laugh. “If you leave this blog, I will kill this defenseless toilet.” Me make funny. Dave Barry for President. Me make funny joke. You laugh. Me make funny joke. I know the humor is so very very dated and stale. But laugh. Laugh. Please?

Robert Scoble

I am nice, reasonable, normal smart type, not always given to the usual Blog Groupthink. I am not like all those other Bloggers. So why I am a Blogger? I am just gaming this meme. Link to friends. Link to more friends. Link to other friends. Link to these friends. Link to more friends. Link to my boss, he’s way way cool. Hey, didyah know, I used to work for Radio Userland. And I used to plan Tech Conferences, I know every Geek in the world! They all like me. Link to other friends. Link to Microsoft developers. NEC Tablet PC rocks. See this picture of Bill Gates holding one, here’s another picture. But I have a Toshiba Tablet PC at Microsoft, as the NEC Tablet PC is not on Microsoft’s approved list. Link to .NET developers. Link to friends. Link to other friends. I like Apple too. Link to other friends. Microsoft stories. Working at Microsoft is so very super cool. I love this place. Woz is my friend. Don Box is my friend. Chris Sells is my friend. Chris Pirillo is my friend. I am Dave Winer’s only friend. Name drop here, name drop there. Link to this Developer here, link to that Developer there. Blogs are like everything. So what if I don’t have that many readers? I want quality. Its all about quality. People who don’t read me, obviously aren’t quality material. Blogs are power. Link to friends. I am friends of all. And now look who I am having lunch with. I know lots of people, used to be Silicon Valley Geek Schmooze King, now I am playing the same game in Seattle. Name drop here, name drop there. Blogger Movie Night. Blogger Food Court Night. Blogger Shopping Spree. Blogger Wal-Mart Blueberry Slurpee run. Link to friends. Link to other friends. Career advice. Link to friends. Link to other friends. I love working at Microsoft. Come to the Professional Developers Conference. Link to friends. Link to other friends. If you are an important person, wanta do lunch? Link to friends. Name drop here, name drop there.

Andrew Sullivan

Political Media Blogger Soup. Daily Political Soap Dish. Blogger Power! Journalism is outdated. Pledge Week. Give me money. Money, I know I asked before, but I need more. Donate money. Donate money. Link to a NYT piece. Oh gosh they got it all wrong. Link to Wash Post piece. Oh they missed the whole point. Link to a NYT piece. Oh gosh they got it all wrong again. Link to another NYT piece. Oh heck, fire them all. Link to a BBC piece. Oh gosh they got it all wrong. Nitpick here, nitpick there. Link to a NPR piece. They are all wrong! Should be called National Public Communist Radio. The root of all evil is the New York Times, except, of course, when I write for them. Blogs as takedown POWER! This New Republic piece is total junk. Rick Santorum = Satan. The Guardian is total evil. Oh pleassseee donate. Pledge Week II. Donate. If you read this page regularly please help us keep it going by chipping in. Support your Sullivan. Money money. I need to pay my bills. I am your watchdog. And hey, even Liberals hate Hillary and Bill. Insane Hillary quote. Insane Clinton Administrational figure quote. One thing everyone (Left or Right) can agree on: We ALL are SICK of Hillary. Oh donate! If we keep up this pace this week, we’ll truly establish this site financially. Link to a NYT piece. Oh gosh they got it all wrong. Link to a BBC piece. Oh gosh they got it all wrong. Link to a Wash Times piece. Oh gosh they got it all wrong. Oh look at this here, another embarrassment for the New York Times. Pledge Week. Donate. SOS! Support Our Sullivan. Money money. My take on this now completely debunked hysteria. My take on this now completely debunked news story. My take on this now completely debunked New York Times story. My take on this now completely debunked Washington Post story. Pledge Week XXVII. Pledge Week MMMMCMXCIX. Our goal this week is to reach a total of 350,000 members altogether - a base that can assure the site’s survival and my actually getting a salary. Link to a NYT piece. Oh gosh they got it all wrong. My take on this observation. I’m amazed that more people haven’t been asking this question. It seems to me that it’s extremely important. Link to a BBC piece. Oh gosh they got it all wrong. Donate, essentially, we’re trying to create a model that’s subscription-based but still free to access. Link to a LA Times piece. Oh gosh they got it all wrong. My take on this now completely debunked Washington Post story. My take on this now completely debunked Nation story. Oh look at this here, yet another embarrassment for the New York Times. Donate money. Donate money. Donate money. Donate money. My take on this now completely debunked New York Times story. I need money! Money!!

Glenn Reynolds

What??? What? You mean the war is over? Say it ain’t so, Joe! Oh no!!! But still important questions remain! Yes. Yes! Pay attention now. Post-War Iraq, the War on Terror, that still goes on! How dare you go about your normal life! Do you NOT understand? Sheeesh, what is it with you people anyways? If you’ve spent the weekend, you know, “having a life,” and missed things, you may want to scroll down to these 150 or so posts. Important! Post-War Iraq, people are still getting killed. Very Important! Let’s discuss things. Yes, important issues. Discuss, discuss. Comment quip on Iraq news. Comment quip on the latest Pentagon news. Comment quip on Iranian news. Comment quip on Syrian news. Comment quip on Terrorism news. War on Terror still being fought. How can you even dare to think of mundane everyday life stuff? Blogs are power: the role of the Internet in dissolving the Raines regime. Send me links. Links to stories. War Stories the Major Media Missed. War Stories the Major Media are Missing. Post-War Stories the Major Media Missed. Post-War Stories the Major Media are Missing. All sorts of interesting information on French doings, and a very cool Flash banner on War stories. Paris Correspondent Reports. And I’ve published quite a few constructive recommendations for The New York Times. Christopher Hitchens points out something *I* noted here a while back. Comment quip on new Post-War Iraq news. Comment quip on new Iranian news. Reader emails. Political terminology hairsplitting. Excerpt of this news story. Excerpt of that news story. Swarmy sarcastic comment quip on this news story. Swarmy sarcastic comment quip on that news story. Comment quip on Iraq news. Comment quip on the latest Pentagon news. News story: they are absolutely right on this, and it seems clear that priorities are still askew. But if pop-ups have been keeping you away, be advised that his site is now popup free! Why the Russians would want a not-terribly-friendly-or-stable nuclear-armed power on their southern border has never made sense to me. Comment quip on Major-Media missed Iranian news. Comment quip on Syrian news. Comment quip on Terrorism news. The former, of course, supports an Administration claim; the latter contradicts one. Former true? Latter true? Is either reliable? Who knows. Sorry for the lack of intensive Blogging this morning. It’s been busy around the InstaPundit household, 5 months worth of laundry. Comment quip on Terrorism news. War on Terror still being fought. Andrew Sullivan made lots of money. I didn’t. Its not fair!! Pout pout. But thanks to those who gave. I’m using the money for a series of sessions with a trainer who specializes in stretching exercises that remedy the problems caused by excessive computer use. Comment quip on the latest Pentagon news. Post-War Iraq, the War on Terror, that still goes on! How dare you go about your normal life!!! I’m going to talk about the role of the Internet in helping usher in perfect world peace.

Lawrence Lessing

This Blogger permits others to copy, distribute, display, and perform the work. In return, licensees must give the original Blogger full credit and total kudos. Translated: Link to me, tell me I am great! I am cyberlaw! But Creative Commons is not a law firm and does not provide legal services, in fact it is a House of Sand that has never stood the test of Law. I am Cyberlaw Superman! I can’t win in courtrooms, but I will win in the Blogosphere! Free! Internet needs to be Free! Capitalism is EVIL. Record Companies are EVIL’ER still. AlwaysOn has an interview with Professor Lessig. Open Education has an interview with Professor Lessig. NYT has an interview with Professor Lessig. GQ has an interview with Professor Lessig. The Stanford Report has a write-up of Professor Lessig’s talk. Slashdot discusses Professor Lessig’s Q & A forum. Wired has an interview with Professor Lessig. Professor Lessig is mentioned in an online news article. Everyone loves me, well except for those evil Judge types. Courts and corporations are attempting to wall off portions of cyberspace. In so doing, they are destroying the Internet’s potential to foster democracy. Power to the people. Internet utopian Democracy! And Mickey Mouse is the Devil! Copyright Law and the Roasted Ham. Publish out-of-print books onto the Internet. So this is so very cool — the 7th Circuit posts mp3s of its argument. Reform copyright. Framers had the timeframe right. And Peer to Peer is the future. Reclaim the Public Domain, yes. All free. Copyrights are evil. Bad. Bad. Scalia to Marx in one easy step. Free! Everything should be Free! I am a Lawyer. I argue important cases, but I never seem to win. I lose cases. I am a washout as a lawyer (thank God for tenure) BUT I have street credits with the Slashdot crowd. When you see me on a case, its a guaranteed short-sell signal. Reclaim the Public Domain petition! Sign it please. Spam the world with my petition!!! A Bounty on Spammers, exceptions for me of course, the Law always has loopholes. I actually believe people will pay attention to some corny online petition! Also take pictures at Starbucks! Civil Disobedience Protests! And oh Microsoft is evil. Bad bad bad. They ruined Netscape. Netscape could have been a platform. Lucifer works for Microsoft. New Evils: DRM and Palladium! Petition! Petition! Petition! Yet there are many who are frustrated that this doesn’t go far enough. Many on Slashdot, for example, demand that we “hold out” for something much more radical, but small step. I once was a normal mainstream conservative, but I am now an Internet Commons Communist. I am cyberlaw! No one ELSE knows more about CYBERLAW than I do. I am everything. Wired did a profile on me! I belong to EFF! And look at all these other groups I am a part of. I am cyberlaw! Take a look at my 2.5 gigs of PowerPoint slides, they show you why I am right! My Internet vision is sharper than anyone else’s. I am not a Scientist, but Scientific American named me a Visionary! Make New (Free) Code, Not War. Free! Open Source! Money is the root of all Evil. Free! I have a degree in Economics but I still somehow believe in the Free Lunch Philosophy. Software copyrights are bad! Abuses mean there should be no laws at all! I am cyberlaw! I am cyberlaw! I am cyberlaw! REDUCE Spam Act! Except for my Petition! That is ok SPAM. The ends justifies the means! Doncha know anything about the Law? Sign my Petition and forward to your closest 8,675,309 friends! Thank You!

Jeff Jarvis

TV Guide of the Blog World! I used to be a TV critic. Now I am a BLOG evangelist! War Blog! War Blog! War Blog! War Blog! News Story Fact-Check Blogging. News Story Fact Check Blog Comment. News Story Comment. News Story Fact-Check Blogging. Buzz buzz buzz. Power to the people. I report on Entertainment...but Pop Culture is evil. I am a Media Critic, but doncha DARE criticize Blogs! News Story Comment. News Story Comment. The people are POWER. Blogs are that power! IM and blogs are killing all the old ways. Blog tech report. Blogs in the news. Ways Blogs will change society. Blogs as household babysitters. Blogs as Education. Buzz buzz buzz. Creative uses of a Blog. News Story Comment. News Story Comment. 101 Uses for a Blog. Creative Ways this Business is using a Blog. Important people who are now using Blogs. People who finally understand the importance of Blogs. People who hated Blogs that have seen the light. Blogs as Journalism. Check out this blog about how big weblogging is. Blogs as Blogs, as power. News story comment quip. Buzz buzz buzz. War story comment quip. NYT story comment quip. Republicans-Are-Evil story comment quip. But Janeane Garofalo is a nuthead comment quip. Weblogs are a clickstream of consciousness. That is both their charm and their value. Buzz buzz. An important factor in the appeal and success of weblogs is that they are badly written. Buzz buzz buzz. New Meme. There’s a trend to watch here. Not sure whether it’s good or bad yet, but it’s rolling. Buzz buzz buzz. Jayson Blair did far more than bring down the House of Howell. He had an impact on the news business that we cannot even begin to measure. News story comment quip. Buzz buzz buzz. War story comment quip. NYT story comment quip. The Sunday Times of London gives credit to bloggers for spearing Raines. But that’s wrong; the competitor in the news business isn’t other news, it’s other, more fun things to watch and do. This doesn’t apply to Blogs however. Blogging goes light (as opposed to lite) for a few hours; I’m soon to get on the train to this city for the blog confab. Damn, I do love my comments. But there are a few people who drive me batty (and I won’t name them). Creative uses of a Blog. 101 Uses for a Blog. Creative Ways this Business is using a Blog. Important people who are now using Blogs. But now let’s get back to arguing over Andrew Sullivan and his monotonous harping. Now, of course, neither of these inside-baseball brawls will matter one whit to anybody with a life -- and it won’t serve the blogosphere’s interests to dwell on them -- but they will be fun to watch. But seriously, here’s some important people who are now using Blogs and some more people who finally understand the importance of Blogs. People who hated Blogs that have now been Saved. Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Some info about Blogs as Journalism. Buzz buzz buzz. News story comment quip. War story comment quip. NYT story comment quip. Republicans-Are-Evil-But-So-Are-The-Democrats story comment quip. Link to this, link to that. News Story Comment. Smarty News Story Comment. News Story Comment. News Story Comment. Sarcastic News Story Commenting. Buzzwords. Buzz.

Clay Shirky

P2P Part 2 (P2P P2). Permanent, NearFarWideCloseNet, ObjectsinMirrorAreCloserThanTheyAppearNet, Position paper here, position paper there. Buzzphrase here, Buzzphrase there. “Systems where supposed innovation vests to lose out interest of.” Not really a blogger, I am a positional papergger. Social software! A live conversation in the room, and an overlapping real-time text conversation. P2P 1337ness. Peer to Peer as Salvation. Oh but that was so, like, last year. New Memes to take its place. Take all Memes in one-big casserole soup bowl. Mix, add some spice, stir and serve. I plan Emerging Tech conferences, but you better think like me. My orthodoxy is the only way. LazyWeb. WebLazy. LazyWeb. The Fellowship of the 802.11g. I want speaking gigs! I can chat endlessly about nothing! I am a charmer! Speaking gigs! Money, money! Position papers as a ticket to fame, ego-gratification and fortune. I create nothing, I only yabber on endlessly. I am an Internet Philosopher. The FCC’s vote on media concentration, diversity plus freedom of choice creates inequality. Wi-Fi and VoIP mean that the telecos significant competitors are its customers. DNA as Database. Moldy cheese as spreadsheet. Wi-Fi will save the world! Wi-Fi. Evil companies destroy power of the people! The skills required to do online media well can actually damage online community. Weblogs are so efficient that they destroy the financial value of publishing. P2P Jedi Council! Software designed for groups encodes political bargains. I wait till the Blogosphere and the Internet Community has said its piece and then I swoop in and summarize, adding all sorts of new twists. Twisting in the wind. Discuss. Discuss. Feedback loop. Discuss my stuff. Feedback. Adds value! Position paper here, position paper there. Position paper here, position paper there. Peer to Peer = Freedom. Since discovering the Internet in 1993, I am a Producer of Position Papers, a Professor of Memes, a Designer of Thoughts, an Author of Ideas, a Consumer of Pop Tarts, a Watcher of Television Media, an Observer of Things that Happen. My position paper on the approach to representation in 3D space and the super spacey-looking blue-ray gun in shoot-’em-up games. When it rains, why is it easy to buy an umbrella, but next to impossible to hail a cab? And why is it easy to buy an iPod, but next to impossible to cook a microwaveable pizza to perfection? Position paper here, position paper there. Speaking gigs! Money, money! Speaking gigs! Money, money! The Telco’s are totally clueless! They don’t know anything, well except that Microsoft’s SmartPhone is total crap, they know that at least. Position paper. Discuss. Feedback loop. Discuss my stuff. Feedback. Interoperability, interoperability. In Praise of Freeloaders! Dot-communism and Net leeches Unite! In things digital it is replicated; not consumed. But freeloading doesn’t work elsewhere, so stay outta my fridge! The rest of that Subway sandwich is mine! And hey that’s MY soda, go getcha own! Ok, who used all the shampoo? But freeloading works, in digital space at least. Speaking gigs! Money, money! Peer to peer computing, web services, wireless internet, weblogging and emergent intelligence, whooo!

Cory Doctorow

“I mean, books are printed on substrate that is so fragile that it burns when it comes into contact with oxygen. We actually use that substrate to wipe our asses with. This is not robust, archival material. This is the very definition of ephemeral, that literature is a book written on toilet paper.” - Cory Doctorow

y0 toTaL 0wnz0red. y0 LiKeZ kRaD!!1!!1! DRM is EVIL! Magic Sci-Fi Future Net-Inspired Utopia Whuffie Waffle dust. Post-death, post-work, net-in-your-head future. BounceBounce. BoingBoing. SmoingeSmoinge. eBook freebies as marketing gimmick, yes get my freeeeeee book. This person is doing a killer-job live-blogging about this blogging conference of bloggers. News-Links-of-the-Day-with-Pithy-Comments-from-the-Doctorow. News Links. Sci-Fi Industry News Links. Sci-Fi Industry Contest Links. More Sci-Fi Industry News/Contests Links. Sci-Fi Writing Contests! Contests! Contests! News links. News Links. More News Links. Misc. News Links. Still more News Links. Yet even more News Links. CNN - Cory News Network with Comments extra. Check out the guest blogger! We bagged Dvorak! Blogs have power! Guess old John C. knows old media is DOOMED. “Amazzzing Graccce, I onccce wasss blllinnnnddd butttt noooowww I seeeeeeeeee...” Whooooo! My first novel is out! I love me. I write weirdly chaotic ‘makes-no-sense’ Sci-Fi stories about a not-to-distant future, or maybe the future is now. But since it is all Sci-Fi I get away with all this random un-defragged sheer-chaos. Look at me! I write Sci-Fi. I won all these awards! I won the John W. Campbell Award! Yeah yeah yeahhhh! I am special! I like Disney! Jeff Bezos likes my book! Look at my history of Short Sci-Fi stories. Gosh, I am one heck of an accomplished writer. And yes, sometimes it is hard to distinguish between my fiction and and my non-fiction. But look at me! I write Sci-Fi. I won all these awards! Stuff the Hugo Online Awards ballots. Creative Commons licensing system, I am so great. I give back to the people. Look at me! I write Sci-Fi. Support me in other ways. Love me! Invite me to conferences! Let me be a speaker! I am also a bigtime Blogger! I embrace everything the Groupthink says. Whatever meme is the meme of the moment I am for it. Bad memes? Despite the fact that I think that these memes are foolish, they persist. Bad meme, Bad bad. Swat the Bad Memes with a Rolled-Up Newspaper. I love Emerging Tech. Want to quote me in a newspaper story or Radio/TV show? Huh? Huh? Please! Pleeeaaaase! Pretty Please? I want publicity! Novel, novel. The novel is not really digestible, per se, to someone not on a Lucid Dreaming plane. I also write things about Emerging Tech. Return of the Mind-Warp Cyberpunk Utopia Future Novel. Buy my next books, please! Remember me! Movable Type rules! I love Ben and Mena! P2P as distro method! My first novel, promotion! Whuffie Lucky Charms Cereal, with the Blue-Marshmallow Diamonds. Respect, Karma, Mad-Props! Whuffie Whuffie!

“The guy who’d figured out the pineapple-orange fruit roll-up edible routing tags had Whuffie to spare: Adrian’s mom knew someone, who also knew someone, who knew this guy, who knew the friend, who knew this neighbor down the street, who had a sister, who knew this guy that worked at the donut shop, who had a blogger friend that told her, and she said that he had an entire sub-aquatic palace, with an exotic tropical-fish aquarium and a room full of robotic Furbies, to rattle around in. A clamor of swallowing and burping noises filled his ears, as the crowd subvocalized...”